I hunger. A different hunger from before, but more powerful. The driving force that is my hunger is always pushing me, driving me, and inevitably, forcing me. I didn't ask for this hunger, but at least I can satisfy it unlike before. I hunger for blood now, and it is easy to come by. I am a vampire and I hunger.
When I left my home that night, angry, and full of desire, I didn't realize it was the last time I'd have that argument. I was hurt and disappointed again. My husband and I had been having problems. Not over finances as we were doing well or children as we didn't have any. There were so many things we could have been upset over that, perhaps, could have been easier to work through. We argued about sex. I had a raging sexual appetite and my husband, well, did not. A stupid thing to be angry about, I suppose, but it had been so long and I was so tired of feeling unfulfilled. I left that night to get away for a little while, but I would never have had sex with anyone else. I loved my husband very much and I really didn't want to have sex with anyone but him. I got into my car and drove away to go vent some frustration.
Once on the road, I realized that I wasn't sure where to go. It was evening, so going to any park or deserted road was out of the question. I wasn't so angry that I had lost all my senses. Instead, I drove to the mall and parked under the light, locked my doors and cried. I wept out of frustration, hurt and anger. My passions were so rampant that I had finally burst and yelled at him, trying to punish him for all the times I kept quiet and for all the times I was rejected. I'm not sure how long I sat there, sobbing, before I heard the noise of the power door locks. Alarmed, my head snapped up and I found a man sitting in the passenger seat although I had not heard the door open or close. Frightened, I jerked toward the door and grabbed the handle. The doors locked and I turned my head toward the stranger.
"Shh, my sweet," he said in a low, soothing tone. "I know how you hunger. I feel how unfulfilled you are, my love. He is wrong to make you suffer so. I can release you from that hunger and give you another that you can satisfy whenever you desire. I will never make you suffer."
I had no idea what he was talking about and despite my fear, I felt myself becoming calmer in his presence. The sense of peace overcoming me alarmed me as well. It wasn't right that I become so relaxed in a stranger's company, especially since I had the feeling he was a killer. Of course, then, I had no idea just what kind of killer he was.
My body began to feel sluggish and drowsy and no matter how I struggled to clear my mind, I found myself yearning for release. I looked at his face and became entranced with his piercing blue eyes. Suddenly, I found myself in his arms and instead of fear, I felt contentment. He had a hard look and just when I was starting to become worried, warmth flooded his face and reassurance flooded through me.
"Don't be afraid, my love," he whispered.
My eyes closed on their own accord. I felt so safe in his arms, protected and loved. He promised me an end to my hunger, and I found myself responding despite myself. Somewhere deep inside me, I fought against the spell to which I had fallen victim. The voice screamed that this wasn't right, that he was dangerous. I couldn't respond to the voice and my muscles wouldn't obey when I commanded them to move. Although I knew I was trapped and in danger, I was unable to do anything to fight off the sense of safety I felt.
And so I was helpless in his arms when he ended my life as a mortal and made me a vampire. I can't describe the feeling of my life ebbing away. My blood left me and filled him with my life. I could hear my heartbeat thundering in my ears. As my strength disappeared and I felt my life fading, my fear returned. His voice swirled into my mind with reassurances just as my fear began to grow.
"Don't be afraid, my love. I will take care of you. You'll never suffer with me," he said, his mental voice a caress.
With my heartbeat pounding and my strength non-existent, the draining finally stopped. I lay gasping in his arms, barely able to manage the strength to draw in air. Somehow, I managed to open my eyes and to look up into those blue eyes that seemed to see into my soul. His lips curved into a smile as he brushed my hair back from my face. His smile struck me as beautiful and I nearly laughed aloud at the thought. I was dying, and I thought my killer was handsome. His smile widened as though he heard my thoughts and shared my amusement.
"My sweet, drink," he whispered.
Drops of warm liquid hit my lips. I hadn't realized before that point how thirsty I was. I parted my lips to accept the moisture. As I swallowed some of the warm liquid, I felt a hunger build in me. Eagerly, I summoned the energy to reach up for more of the life-giving moisture. He pressed his wrist to me and I latched onto him. It was glorious! As I swallowed the warmth, I realized I heard another thunderous sound. It was his heartbeat, beating strongly in my ears. I knew then what was happening to me. Horror rose up in me and I tried to pull away from his wrist, away from the blood. But between his strength and reassurance and the need that compelled me, I was unable to resist for long. Accepting the inevitable, I drew life from him and drank his blood. The hunger that grew in me began to be satisfied, yet I did not let go. I refused to give up the source of release to my new hunger. He did not force me to stop, content to hold me against his chest and allow me to drink from him.
I became aware that I could feel his pain. The source of his pain was me, attached to his wrist and feeding. I tore myself from the wound on his wrist and ripped open my eyes to stare at him. There, in his brilliant blue eyes, was the pain that I could not see before. Agony streaked through my body and I doubled up and cried out in my pain. His strong arms held me as I convulsed. Through the pain, I could sense his strength and his sorrow that I must endure this brief moment of pain. With that in mind, I tolerated the pain with whimpers. After some period of time, the pain subsided and I gradually released the tension from my body. And there, held securely in my maker's arms, I was born a vampire.
The rest of that night was spent in my education. I saw my maker with new eyes. His blue eyes were more brilliant than before, nearly glowing in the dark. His brown hair was rich with color and warmth. The face that had appeared so cold and hard before displayed various emotions; pride, pleasure, warmth, comfort and hunger. The hunger in his eyes alerted me to my own. With a grin, he grasped my hand and led me out into the night to teach me how to satisfy my hunger. My new sight was glorious! I could see in the dark as though it was day.
"I am going to let go of my shield on your thoughts, my love. I will teach you to shield your mind from the thoughts of the mortals," he said, stopping in an alley.
A rush of thoughts came at me like a wave crashing on the shore. I clapped my hands over my ears in a futile attempt to make it stop. I cried out and collapsed to the ground, writhing with the effort of trying to drown out all the voices. A firm voice reached me over the din of the thoughts. I reached out mentally and grabbed it, desperate to keep my sanity. I caught the voice and listened to his instructions until I was able to build a wall between the thoughts of mortals and my bruised mind.
"You see, my sweet! You learn as quickly as I knew you would," he said, his voice alive with pleasure.
"What do I call you?" I asked mentally.
His blue eyes widened with surprise and he grinned when he helped me off the pavement. He brushed me off quickly, all the while grinning happily. I stopped him and repeated my question.
"I am Gavin, my dearest Callie," he said, caressing my cheek. "Come, let me teach you how to satisfy your hunger."
Gavin taught me how to open my mind to the thoughts of specific mortals so I would not become overwhelmed by all the surrounding people. With this lesson, I learned that I could locate people with evil intentions. By the time I mastered this ability, my hunger was gnawing at me. The pain was becoming unbearable and Gavin took my hand. He led me to a back alley and captured a mortal. His evilness oozed from his pours as strongly as the scent of his blood. I lunged at the man, crushing him against my body and sinking my new fangs into his tender neck.
The sensation of his blood running down my throat and fulfilling my hunger was more pleasurable than sexual experience I had encountered. His blood rushed through my veins, filling me with warmth and life. It was then that I discovered that I enjoyed taking this man's life. The memories of his evils flooded my mind, driving me to bite harder into him to punish him for all the suffering he inflicted on helpless boys and girls. When I had drained the last drop of his life, I pushed his empty body away from me in disgust. Was I disgusted with him or myself, or was it both? I had killed, and I had loved it. My hunger was satisfied and I felt more complete than ever, but what had I become?
Before dawn, Gavin led me to his lair, a pleasant penthouse apartment in the middle of the city. His bedroom was fitted with black painted windows and a solid lock on the inside to keep out intruders while he slept. Gavin scooped me into his arms and laid me tenderly down on his bed. The next moment, he was lying beside me, reaching out to pull me into his embrace. Suddenly, I was afraid, afraid of my future, afraid of what I had become. Gavin kissed my cheek and held me.
"Shh, my sweet Callie, I will take care of you," he murmured into my ear.
I opened my mouth to respond, but sleep overtook me abruptly and I fell into darkness.
I haven't been home for nearly four weeks. I have spied on my husband, but I have never spoken to him. The tree outside our bedroom window is a wonderful perch and I can see perfectly inside. He's crying again. I see his tear-streaked face as he sits on the bed with my favorite shirt. I watch him bury his face into the soft fabric and watch his body convulse with the force of his sobs. My heart longs to comfort him, but I know that if I go to him, I will lash out in anger.
My hunger is sated and my skin warm with the blood of my latest victim. I do not sense Gavin nearby tonight. Good. Maybe I will go inside tonight and tell my husband not to grieve for me. I am not worth crying over anymore. I am a killer, and my husband is among the prey now.
I drop out of the tree and move to the back door. Silently, I slip inside, raising an eyebrow at the fact the door is unlocked. It seems, in his grief, he has not taken cares to keep the doors locked. My husband wishes to die as he always said he wanted if something ever happened to me. Frowning, I move up the stairs, careful to keep my footsteps light. I stop at the end of the hall in front of the bedroom door and wonder if this is right. Shouldn't I leave him alone and let him believe I am gone forever? Ignoring my doubts, I open the door and step inside.
His head comes up with alarm and his tear filled green eyes lock onto my brown ones. I watch disbelief flicker across his face before being replaced with hope and finally, relief. I allow him to run to me and to wrap his arms around me tightly. His tears begin anew and he mumbles his love for me over and over and over.
"God, Callie, where have you been?" he asks me hoarsely. "Are you all right?"
"My well being is questionable, Jason," I reply calmly, aware that to a mortal, I sound cold.
Jason pulls away from and searches my face with a frown. I listen to his surface thoughts as he studies my appearance and notices some differences. My eyes have a luminescent quality to them now and my face has taken on a harder look. He's worried now, but not for himself. He's concerned I've been hurt, or brainwashed and is nearly bursting with his desire to ask where I've been. I decide to oblige his wish.
"I am unharmed, depending on your definition of the term."
"Why did you leave?" Jason asks in a pleading tone. "I thought you were dead."
"You know why I left," I reply angrily. I'm aware that I'm blaming Jason for my condition, but I can't stop myself. "If you gave me what I so craved, I wouldn't left that night and this wouldn't have happened to me!"
"What? What happened to you?" he sobs, clinging to me.
I pull away furiously and move to the other side of the room with inhuman speed. Shocked, Jason jerks backwards and spins around looking for me. His green eyes widen when he sees me with my arms folded by the window. I catch his thoughts as he realizes that there is something not human about me anymore.
"Very good, Jason," I mock. "I'm not human anymore. Would you like to see what you've made me?"
My anger bests me and I lunge toward him, hissing and exposing my fangs. Fear floods him and he cries out, covering face with his arms. Somewhere, my heart aches for the anguish I am causing him, but I am out of control.
"See the monster I've become, Jason?" I rage. "Look at me!"
Jason uncovers his face fearfully. His fear is mixed with self-loathing and anguish. He's never looked so beautiful to me before that moment with tears streaking down his cheeks.
"All I ever wanted was you," I sob. "Just you! I couldn't stop my desires and you kept rejecting me. I was so hurt and angry that night I left. I had only wanted to go and scream and cry some place where you couldn't see me. Instead, I get turned into this."
"Oh God, Callie, I'm sorry," he cries and moves toward me.
"Stay away from me," I warn with a strangled cry. "I'm a monster now, Jason. A killer. And you know the worst part? I like the feeling I get when I kill. I love hunting the scum of society, ripping into their flesh and drinking their life away. I love being able to satisfy my hunger! I LOVE IT! What kind of monster does that make me?"
I sink to the floor and wrap my arms around my legs and sob. Through Jason's thoughts, I sense that he's frightened by me and my blood tears. I'm so awful, so cruel and...so inhuman. I've terrified my grief-stricken husband and admitted my terrible secret. I feel so guilty. But he knows the truth and it will set him free. Now that he knows I'm not worth the anguish, he'll be able to move on with his life and find someone better to love.
"It's all my fault, Callie. Can you forgive me?"
I look at him, shocked. He's weeping over me! He should be afraid and repulsed by me, not pitying me. His tears are flowing freely again and it's all I can do to keep myself from gathering him in my arms and comforting him.
"There's nothing to forgive, Jason," I whisper. "I've been freed from human desires and wants. He's given me hunger that I can satisfy, and God help me, I've been happy."
"Who did this to you?" he asks, broken, as he moves toward me cautiously.
"His name is Gavin. He loves me, you know. I've learned that it was my lack of fulfillment that drove him to what he's done to me."
"Do you love him?" Jason asks fearfully.
I study his face for a moment. I long to throw myself into his arms and beg him to forgive me. I don't, however, as I want him to let go of the person that I was.
"I hate him and I love him," I say with a sad smile. "I hate him for making me this thing that I am. And I love him for giving me a release I've always craved."
His face betrays none of the hope that I feel undulating from his mind. Jason wants me to stay with him. The realization shocks me. How could he want to be with such a repulsive creature? I want to hit him and demand that he come to his senses. I'm a killer! A murderer! I prey on predators; hunt the hunters. I'm an evil creature that feeds off the living. And as I read his thoughts, I know that he knows this and still wants me to stay. He misses me and can't stand the heartache that will come with my absence. I'm not being hard enough.
"I sleep each morning in his arms," I tell him, cruelly. "Every evening when I awake, he kisses me and whispers his love for me." I see his face fall and feel his hope being crushed, yet I press on, determined that he see me for what I have become. "And though I hate him, I return his kiss. Together we hunt the back alleys looking for prey. And when I kill and take the hot life into my body, I love him."
"Don't you see? Don't you see that you're prey now?" I demand.
"I could kill you, Jason. I might sink my teeth into your neck and drink your blood," I shouted, furious that I sense he doesn't care.
"Do it, Callie," Jason whispers.
My mouth is open, whatever I had been about to say forgotten in my shock. He's offering himself up to me as my prey. I reel from him, horrified that my body responds to his offer. His blood, pumping so hotly in his body beckons me and for a moment, I consider it. With a strangled cry, I hurl backwards and hit the wall. No, no, no! Not Jason!
"Jason," I say in a broken voice.
"If you won't stay with me then kill me," he says softly, "because I can't live without you."
"Jason," I moan. Am I sad or merely repulsed that I want to so badly?
"Please, Callie, don't leave me here alone," my husband begs.
"Jason," I plead.
"I love you, Callie."
I scream Jason's name and flee the bedroom. I move too fast for Jason to keep up as I run down the stairs and out the back door. I hear him call out to me, but I'm running. Running for the blackness of the night that protects me. Running from the darkness in my heart that wanted to give into Jason's request. I can't do it. I can't kill Jason. I love him, but I can't do what he asks. If I kill Jason, there's nothing left to me. Nothing left but a killer.
I hear Gavin's voice in my head, begging me to tell him where I am. I ignore him and keep running. The wind burns my eyes, but I keep up the furious pace, trying my damnedest to outrun the hunger that burns in me for Jason's blood. Not Jason. I run faster, moving through the alleys. Gavin's begging me again, he wants to know what's wrong and who's hurt me. I don't respond again. Instead, I return to the penthouse we share and fling myself onto the bed.
"Jason," I cry.
I don't know how long I've been crying when I feel Gavin's presence. He climbs onto the bed and pulls me into his warm embrace. I sob onto his chest, uncaring that my bloody tears are staining his shirt. I cling to him, hating that I want his comfort. Gavin strokes my hair and whispers to me.
"It's all right, my love," he soothes. "I'll take care of you. I know it hurts to let go, my love, but it is for the best."
He read my thoughts while I let my guard down in my misery. I should hate him for that as well, but I don't. I lay in his arms until the dawn arrives and I am unable to stay awake. I gratefully sink into the blackness of sleep. My last thoughts are of Jason.
I love you, Jason.
The oblivion of the deep sleep overwhelms me and I am happy for it. With sleep is the release of pain and hunger. No one can hurt me here and I am free of my tears. Most importantly, I am free from hunger until the sun sinks into the horizon. I can forget I am a vampire.
And when the night returns, I will hunger.
Well, what do you think? Please email me if you think the rating should be higher than PG13. I'm currently in the middle of "Immortal Dark," but I had this kicking around in my head and it was making it difficult to concentrate! So, now that it's down, I can happily go back to chapter two. (I have been working on it, but now it will progress much faster!) Please let me know what you think of this, whether by review or email (email@example.com). Thanks!!