My Black Rainbow

There's a girl called Rainbow in my head,
She laughs and smiles and talks to me,
She tells me storiesand she makes me feel good.

It's all a front.

She, like me, has other sides,
For when I don't expect it,
She turns on me and treats me badly,
Reminds me of the past,
Of things that I've done wrong.

She repeats the nasty things they've said
using their faces
using their voices
as though it were happening all over again.

And she can't, won't, leave me alone.
I cannot silence her,
No matter how hard I try.

I wish she would leave,
But she's a part of me.