WARNING! this is a remake in 1st person because i was having difficulty writing it the other way. for those who haven't read the original though, then ignore my warning...
"You're giving me a headache."
Spider was squealing, spinning in circles over my head as if that were the most enjoyable activity on the face of this planet.
Now that I think about it though, it probably was.
The squealing continued…and continued…and continued… I started counting down.
"Screw it." There was a very satisfying 'smack', courtesy of me, and the squealing finally died away to annoying giggles.
"And you wonder why you never had a girlfriend," I commented emotionlessly, as was my normal habit when it came to just about everyone and everything.
"Hey!" Spider hissed. Yes, he hissed. He's an arachnid- species unknown- and he hisses. Sometimes I wonder if that's normal; the doubt eats at me. Really. No sarcasm intended.
"But it's true," I replied absently, walking slowly away from his halted swinging form.
"Meanie head," Spider mumbled, slowly but surely descending to the floor from thread he held in his front legs. It's strange, but last I checked (a long, long time ago) threads came from a certain part of a spider's body. With Spider though… No. He may have been hanging out with me for the past few years, but I still knew…not too much about him. He's Spider; not much else to say about it.
There is no way to describe his personality (unless psychotic, joy-ridden, immature little bug of an arachnid's hide-bound, fit throwing, great grandfreaking lunatic parent's monkey brained- I could go on, but I believe that may take a few more days- works). Suffice to say there is no completely accurate way to describe his personality as anything other than himself, if that makes any sense.
I thought about responding for a moment, and eventually just muttered out a barely audible, "Bite me," which he heard and almost immediately protested with, "Last time I bit you, you were out for a few hours and then you flung me across the room and began cursing and growling and giving me evil glares and it was really, really scary," giggling manically, of course.
Yes, I'm afraid he does have questionable sanity (if any), but around here, that isn't so strange. Actually, it could almost be considered normal- at least in my crowd.
Though I have to admit, my crowd is small.
I heard the expectance in his voice, so I had to respond, if only because I knew that if I didn't, he would inflict his insanity upon me later for it. "And then you began giggling your bloody head off about how you were going to hypnotize that drooling guy with pink hair the next day," I muttered.
He did accomplish that by the way.
"But it worked," Spider pointed out with a proud puff. I guess there must have been something in my blank tone that convinced him I was skeptical or something.
I not skeptical about much of anything. Hell, I'm pretty well emotionless most times.
"Sadly," I said anyway.
"Meanie," he retorted with his oh so expandable knowledge.
"Nitwit." Three. Two. One.
"What's a nitwit again?"
I sighed and began to walk faster, whether he could keep pace with me or not. Just for the hell of it, I began muttering under my breath about idiot arachnids and their faulty memory.
He heard, of course, but climbed onto my head anyway with a whiny, "Come on!"
I sighed again in preparation of giving him the same answer I've given him so many times before. "Just believe me when I say it was a justifiable insult." He wouldn't really get it, but I thought that was probably for the best.
Spider's many eyes widened in thought for only about half a second before he got bored and squealed again with delight.
She was smirking. It wasn't anything new, but it didn't do much to make me feel better. "Headache?" she asked simply.
Because it wasn't obvious.
"Splitting," I muttered darkly, wanting to glare but unwilling to do anything that could possibly make my headache worse. Unfortunately, glaring will do that.
"Spider?" she questioned as if it could be anything else.
"Unfortunately." Typical, everyday answer. Why I even bother answering is beyond any mortal understanding.
There was hesitation. That was new. "Feeling faint?" she finally asked.
She's going to bring it up, I just know it. "Tad bit," I answered anyway.
Three. Two. One.
"Not going to pass out on my floor again, are you?"
Ding ding ding! We have a winner!
Screw the headache. I glared, and it was very satisfying, regardless of the extra pain. She looked more than ready to laugh in my face again, as had happened the first time I'd accidentally done that. Accidentally meaning my desperation to get Spider's voice out of my pounding head.
"Should I even bother mentioning, yet again, that it was an accident?" I growled, hitting my head with my fist a few times. It didn't help, but then, it wasn't meant to.
What it was meant to do was to hopefully knock myself unconscious and get a certain few voices out of my head. Now guess who they could belong to…?
Aloren smirked. Again. "That'll only make it worse," she pointed out, 'cause obviously, I must not know that, and so she feels the need to point it out to me.
Sorry if I sounded rude. My head hurt. Badly.
Oh look, here arrives the dizziness.
I did the only thing I could do then; I threw a shoe. At Aloren. Who laughed.
And Spider joined her.
Bad combo. Bad bad bad bad bad.
Spider squealed something. I don't know what, but luckily, I also didn't care.
I had a good guess anyway.
Aloren nodded as if in agreement to whatever Spider said as if she understood the little monster.
"What are you nodding for?" I growled, rubbing at my eyes irritably. They burned… Damn them.
Aloren's permanent smirk grew. I vaguely began to wonder if she had any other expression when, for some strange, strange reason, she got it into her brain that patting my head as if I were some poor, confused little demon child was a good idea.
Minus the demon…
My brain hurt.
I threw my other shoe at her, but she swiftly disappeared into the kitchen, and the flying article hit the doorframe instead.
From beyond it, I heard laughter.
"Jerk," I muttered darkly, then scowled when a certain little dark, tone-deaf arachnid decided it would be a good idea to start swinging circles above my head. Again. Singing.
His song involved bloody flies and dead roaches. Not very pleasant in my opinion, and so, "Will…you please…shut up?" I hissed threateningly, but Spider only did an imitation of sticking his tongue out, giggling.
Psychotic, joy-ridden, immature little bug of an arachnid's hide-bound, fit throwing, great grandfreaking lunatic need-I-say-more.
Torment, pure and simple. Aloren returned only moments later with her car keys and twenty bucks.
I groaned and fell dramatically to the floor (dramatic; me…keep believing that), covering my eyes with an arm.
"You've gotta be kidding me," I muttered.
"Think you can hold out for ten minutes?" she asked sweetly.
"No." Immediate answer. Must she ask? No.
Silence for about a split second, and then, "Oh come on; be a man," she encouraged mockingly, heading for the door.
I rolled my eyes (mature, I know). "Can't. I'm a three year old stuck in an eighteen-year-old body. Please save me the torturing disgrace of a male teen whining fit," I muttered sarcastically.
"Whine away," she replied cheerfully.
She was out the door before I found another shoe to throw at her.
Spider giggled again, manically, then found himself halfway across the room. I had kicked him. He had giggled out the, "I should bite you," threat. The effect was ruined by his high-pitched voice. He's not a very good actor.
"Just try it," I said, slamming my head against the floor.
Sweet oblivion, I welcome you.
Spider hesitated before responding (I knew what was coming) then squealed happily with, "But then you'll be all scary again and I'll be thrown across the room again and Aloren would probably find you passed out on her floor again and—"
I interrupted with, "Have you ever heard the term 'breathe'?"
Need I ask?
for anyone who's read the previous version, if you think this one is better, please tell me! opinions are welcome...