INACTIVE

He stared at the screen, rereading the little red word again and again. It wasn't a yellow "On Leave" or "Wounded or even an orange "Family Duty". A glaring red "Inactive" stared back at him, its capital letters boring into him. She hadn't mentioned that. He wouldn't have ever known if he hadn't overheard her siblings talking. It hurt, but more than that, it worried him. There were few reasons that Captain Iriza would put someone on Inactive status. Especially her children, all expected to work harder and be better than her regular mercenaries. A few reasons, like maternity leave, he could dismiss easily. Others, more ominous or worrisome others, he couldn't bar so easily.

It was his fault. All his fault. It had started with his attempt to end his life. He didn't remember the reason anymore. All he could remember was her terrorized eyes and the emotional pain that had shot through her. He could also remember her fear afterwards, when he had tried to make it up to her. He hadn't realized that he was projecting his fear. It was his fear, her fear, his fear… She had always seemed so strong . She had been his rock, his shelter, his loving protector… Who would protect her? Especially against him. He had tried to stay away. He barricaded his mind against her, kept himself physically far, held himself aloof. He had even requested a transfer to come here, to this godforsaken place. After she was better, of course. Her twin could take care of her now. After all, Brian had been the one to pull her out of her catatonia. The catatonia he himself had induced.

Could he take care of her? Gellan's suspicions of the other began to surface again. Last time he had checked, she had been on active duty. It could be something else. Somehow, he doubted it. But she had seemed fine last time she had come, hadn't she? He couldn't be sure anymore. He relied so much on feeling other people's emotions that now that he didn't allow himself to feel hers, her mental state remained very much a mystery. He thought back. To add to his confusion, his recent memories hadn't been as clear as he would like. Maybe it was the alcohol. She hated it when he got himself drunk. His girlfriend, if he could call the stupid, empty-headed girl that, didn't mind. He hated her now, even though she was necessary. He needed a buffer between him and the minds of the school's population or he'd become a raving wreck. Not that he wasn't a wreck already. Katia was the only thing that had held him together before. Now…

He pressed a button, calling work. A familiar face appeared on the comm. screen. "Hey, Gellan, what can I do for you?" He looked a lot like his sister. Gellan couldn't help but feel a pang every time he looked into those green eyes. But hers held more warmth, more kindness and less cold calculation. Less fake emotions and barriers.

"Vania, why's Katia off active duty?" His speech was slow. He had never learned to speak properly. The young man on the other end shrugged.

"She needed a break." Gellan frowned.

"She's inactive." The unsaid 'I'm not stupid enough to believe such a flimsy lie' lay unsaid between them. He had sounded a bit desperate, though, which wasn't in all a bad thing.

"Well, if you had kept in contact with her, maybe you'd know." Gellan was taken aback by the anger in his superior's tone. It was rare that Ivan Dannon let his barriers down enough to show what eh was feeling. If her family was mad at him and he was angry enough to show it, things must be worse than he thought. Guilt knotted in his stomach.

"Please?" He almost felt like before she had found him, lost and alone.

"She hasn't been doing all that well." Well, duh. It didn't take Shannon to figure that one out. "Elora shadowed her a while. Her final verdict was that Katia's mental state wasn't stable enough for her to remain on active duty. We couldn't have an unstable berserker running around, especially with her touchstone so far out of reach." The psychiatrist had ordered the break? His surprise must have been evident because Vania continued. "She didn't recover as much as she wants us to think. Elora's afraid that she might be suicidal." The bottom dropped straight out of Gellan's stomach.

"Suicidal?" He could see something suspiciously resembling sick, satisfied pleasure in the other's eyes. Another emotion he would never see on Katia. He could picture those safe eyes, though subtly prettier, accusing him.

"Yeah. Not like you, exactly. She's not like that. More along the lines of her taking more stupid risks than necessary. Things that she knows can get her killed easily. All perfectly justified, of course, and it wasn't for kicks. She doesn't even seem to realize what she's doing."

"Oh." He could just hear his entire world come crashing down around his ears. She was in pain. Worse, he hadn't even realized or fixed it. He thought he had solved the problem by leaving. His breath came in short gasps now and tears began to threaten to run down his face. He was about to cut the conversation short when Vania spoke again.

"She misses you, you know. She worries. Last time she came here to visit, she locked herself in her room and cried for a week after. Won't talk about it to anyone, not even Brian." They had fought. He could only remember it vaguely. He had been drunk again. He could vaguely recall saying something cruel. About his new girlfriend. That was it. He had made her believe that the little tart was more important to him than she actually was. One thing sprung to mind immediately; an image of Katia's stricken face. She recovered quickly, though. She could never show him any weakness. He could remember losing his nerve, throwing himself at her feet, sobbing. Probably begging for death or something equally stupid to mention in front of her. He had tried to get her to forgive him. She had said something uncharacteristically cruel back, called him things. He couldn't recall what, but he knew that he had deserved every single remark. The next thing he could pull out of his memory was the hospital. He had gotten into some street brawl he couldn't handle. His pay had been docked to show the company's disapproval. He knew that because it had meant less alcohol. Vania called him out of his recollections. "It's hard for a berserker to lose their touchstone suddenly like that. She's so stable that we don't think of her like that, but we should." His concern for his little sister showed in his tone, another mark of the severity of the situation. Dannons didn't sweat the small stuff, even where their precious family was concerned. "And you two were always together. We used to joke and say you were her shadow." Gellan had thought that he could never feel worse, but the man in front of him knew how to lay on the guilt. Things were starting to come together now. He had isolated himself to help her. He knew his reasons and dealt with his pain. He thought that it would help.

"Mind. In her mind." Vania's eyebrows shot up.

"You were in her mind? And you aren't anymore? Now wonder she's so screwed up, kid! How would you feel if she suddenly barricaded her every emotion from you? It's a testament to her strength that she's still even partially sane! Does she know?" He shook his head. He had always been discreet about it, but before recent events, he had always had some kind of mental link to her. She probably suspected, but being one of the least mentally sensitive people he knew, she couldn't tell for sure. "You're a bastard." Gellan nodded in agreement. Apart from the fact that it was technically true, the sentiment applied.

"Where?"

"Home. Dannon House. She's under Marion's supervision." At least she had a Healer watching over her.

"When c'n I go?" Vania grinned. There was something smug in his expression.

"Kayssie's been standing by ever since we let you hear our little conversation. I've been waiting for your call for the last past three hours." Gellan's eyes narrowed. He didn't like being manipulated. He put the two names down on his revenge list for later. "Third hangar"

"20 minutes." He cut the comm., going to pack. Katia needed him.