I watch you from the cafeteria. While I am seated with my group on this side of the big room, you are over in the corner all alone. You are always all alone.
My friends, talking amongst themselves, making fun of the people in the room. I hate it when they do this.
Then they start in on you, as they always have.
"Man, what a creep."
"Yeah, what kind of self-respecting male wears skirts and tank tops and makeup and shit?"
"That's just it, Joey, he isn't self-respecting!"
"Fucked-up emo skid."
I have to interfere. I love you, after all.
"Hey, shut up, guys."
Everyone at the table stares at me through their shaggy hair in surprise. I turn my gaze to you, instead, and I hope they can't see the admiration and lovesickness in my eyes.
"What's your problem, Jamison?" Jared asks me with suspicion in his cold eyes.
"Nothing," I mutter. "I just don't think he deserves all that."
"If I find out you're ass-fucking that faggot, Jamison, we're going to kill you," he tells me.
I don't say anything as they return to their conversation. My heart is beating so fast, and I try to take inconspicuous deep breaths.
They're going to find out, I know. They're going to kill us both.
It breaks my heart to think it, but I know what I need to do.
I escape our table and walk through the throngs of people. As I near where you sit, I feel you watching me, your loving gaze lingering on my butt. I make sure you see where I am going.
As I am nearing the doorway out of the cafeteria, I open my fist and let a pen drop to the floor: the secret signal we're been using for months.
Immediately I head to the bathroom. I know you will follow after a few minutes, and I know that right now you are itching to get up and run after me.
I know you love me as much as I love you.
That's why it hurts so much for me to have to do this.
The bathroom is empty, as usual. No one ever uses this one, and that is precisely why we use it as our secret meeting place.
It's the best place to conceal our forbidden love affair.
I sit on the counter, my back against the mirror. In my head I am madly trying to compose words that will do my feelings justice. With a heavy sigh, I realize that there are very few.
You are going to hate me.
Suddenly the door of the bathroom opens and I look up and smile at you.
We are such an unlikely pair.
You smile back at me, the worry that is constantly present on your face in the halls fading away. I hop off the counter and approach you.
Even on your high heels I am taller than you, and I have to tilt my head down a bit to kiss you.
Your lipsticked lips collide with mine, and we kiss for a few long seconds. I am wishing with all my breaking heart that life could go on for us as it has been these past few months.
But there is no chance of that.
I pull away and regard your beautiful face with care. Your eyes are lit up in exhilaration, and you are blushing underneath your makeup. Others may see a freak when they look at you, but not me. No, all I see is an angel.
"Avery." I savor the taste of your name on my tongue. "I - I have something to tell you."
"Okay," you whisper. You turn and walk to the door to twist the lock, guaranteeing our privacy.
I watch you as you do this. I have always thought you were gorgeous, even back when you wore baggy jeans and t-shirts like all the other boys. Now you are always clad in pleated pink skirts, high heels, and fishnet stockings, like today. Even your spiky hair is pink and sparkly.
You stand in front of me again, your brown eyes imploring.
Shit, this is killing me.
"Avery," I start. "The guys were talking about you again."
You look down and nod. "Yeah."
"They said they would kill me if - if they ever found out I was fucking you," I blurt out. "I think they're suspicious."
Your head shoots up and I see tears welling up beneath those fake eyelashes.
"I'm really sorry, angel," I choke out, feeling the beginnings of my own tears forming, "but we can't be together anymore."
There is silence for a moment before a whimper from you cuts through. Even though it hurts like hell, I look up at you. Your hands hide your eyes, and your shoulders begin to shake. All of a sudden your body nearly collapses, like a mass suicide, against the tiled wall. Delicately, you are all-out weeping.
I can't take the massive guilt that has taken over me. Tears falling down my cheeks, I bolt to the door and burst out, into the nearly empty hallway. I run, as fast as I can, away.
As if the speed could numb my pain.
A/N: I whipped this up in twenty minutes, and didn't revise it. So don't be too hard on me!