Bottled Up Aggressions
"I didn' mean for it ta happen this way," I say quietly, pulling my kneecaps closer to my chest as I flick another action figure off the couch. Jaiden, my brother, and I were left to watch Dillion again. Dillion had fallen asleep on the chair, and so that left Jaiden and myself a few moments peace to talk about what had happened between us yesterday.
Jaiden leans against the big wooden cabinet that Dad keeps all the DVDs in and wiggles his toes, trying to make it look like they were more interesting than our conversation. "Shut up, Kole. It ain't important. We got a lil drunk and lost our heads."
I stare at the ceiling slightly, taking a deep breath and turning my eyes to stare at his toes to try and see what remedy in them he seemed to find that keep him so calm. "Yeah, but that doesn't mean anythin'. People get drunk all the time and don't end up kissin' their brother," I say a bit shuddery, feeling the tears prick at my eyes again.
I can see his toes curl downwards tightly in a somewhat pained manner at my comment and I could already hear him choke back an annoyed sounding sob. "I didn' mean ta upset ya, Jai. I just think we should talk about it."
"Yer such a goddamn woman, Kole," he snorts at me, curling his toes even tighter so that they make an odd coloration from the pressure. "Why don't ya just go cry about it? Honest ta goodness, Kole, I just expect you ta run out here in one of Momma's gowns one day blubbering yer eyes out! What happened was an accident!"
"No it wasn't," I choke out suddenly, surprising myself at my admittance as I throw myself down on the couch like a child, burying my face in my arms. I'm acting more like a child than Dillion was when I'd tried to put him to bed earlier, and the toy car jabbing into my side is a harsh reminder.
I don't know what I expect Jaiden to do to my statement, if anything, but I'm hoping his not mad. He already sounds mad though. I couldn't blame him. Brothers aren't supposed to admit to wanting to kiss one another.
I can hear the sounds of the toys being kicked out of the way beside me, and I feel the couch slump down as Jaiden sits upon the few inches of space on the couch next to me. I feel his hand shake as he puts it on my shoulder. "K-Kole?" he sputters out, sounding slightly frightened. Great. Now he's scared of me!
"You hate me," I sob mercilessly into the blonde hairs on my arm, feeling them moist with my tears and pressing down against my skin. I'm rarely this conscience of my body, but as soon as I feel Jaiden's hand on my back I'm completely conscience of my body, even those tiny little hairs, so long as some part of me is being touched. I hate feeling this way, and he hates me. I know it!
"I don't hate ya, Kole," comes his voice as soft and broken as my own. "I don't. Stop cryin'. Yer actin' too much like a girl. What if Dad comes home and finds you wailin' like that? Whatcha gonna say ta him, huh Kole?"
I jerk my head to stare at the corner of the couch as if it might burst into flames and consume me if I glare hard enough, hoping with all of my being that it will. "Maybe you might like me if I was a girl," I sob somewhat bitterly as I stare into the corner. Burn me up, couch. Burn me up good 'en kill me.
His cold, pale hand moves to grip at my neck suddenly as if he can sense my desire to be dead at this moment, and he slides off the couch suddenly. Maybe the couch will burst into flames for him. He probably wants me to burn alive right now. That, and maybe I should be a girl. I'm such a drama queen sometimes.
My thoughts suddenly get distracted as his hand moves to make a caressing motion on the nape of my neck, pulling me from my thoughts or at least dulling them slightly despite the fact that I'm still sobbing. "Kole," he mutters in a melancholy tone, and I realize that the word is sad directly into my ear, sending chills through me as I feel as if his breath just touched ever expanse of skin it couldn't possibly reach. "Kole, I don't want ya ta be a girl, and I don't want ya to be cryin'. I-I… I likes ya just fine as ya are."
On instinct, like I used to do when I was about Dillion's age, I spring towards him and pull him up slightly onto the couch enough to accommodate me. One of my arms is about his neck and the other is underneath his armpit holding him where I want him as I press my face into his shoulder, shaking as I cry. Jaiden is completely still a first before he presses against me just slightly and I feel his breath hovering over my ear for a moment before he kisses it gently.
"Calm down, Kole. I swear ta God yer so whiny," Jaiden says directly into my ear, letting his lips brush against my skin and make me shiver. I'm sure my shivers are hidden by the shaking my body is doing thanks to my now quiet sobs. Jai's tone is, however, not what I expect it to be. It's deeper than usual, but soft.
He kisses my ear again, and then moves downwards, directing me sternly that I should lift my head. I do, and I let him continue even though something in my mind is telling me this is for my sake not for his. His lips then meet mine like they did last night, but something is much sweeter about it this time.
We chastely kiss, at first, but then my sense of control snaps before his (if his even would have) and I kiss him much deeper. I'm sure hear him moan, knowing that the noise can't of come from me since I'm a fairly quiet person, and then I feel his tongue press against my own. The kiss breaks quickly though and Jaiden is shaking his head back and forth with tears streaking down his face. "We're not supposed to do stuff like that."
"You like it, Jai," I say again, pulling him closer against me and claiming his mouth again. He shakes after awhile and leans in as close as he can, but eventually the couch stops him from getting any further. I break the kiss, staring directly into his slightly glazed over looking eyes and smile. "Git on the couch."
He weakly obeys me, and when he gets on the couch I'm surprised to find that he spreads my legs slightly and lies between them with his arms on either side of my head. His legs, with a mind of their own, lead him to grate against me and I actually manage a short gasp of a moan, tilting my head backwards. The only thought that's in my head is that he's heavier than I imagined, and that I'm pretty sure he's gained weight.
It feels like there is electric shocks passing between the two of us. As if to make sure Jai feels this too, I put my hands on each side of his face to make him stare directly into my eyes. His eyelids are half closed and his eyes are still glazed over, as well as there's a faint splash of pink in his cheeks. He feels it.
Jai grates against me again as his lips claim mine and we stay locked in manner for awhile, repeating little actions that both of us seem to be enjoying. "K-Kole," he gasps out after awhile, moving his head to be in my neck. "This is wrong."
"And?" I ask, biting down on his ear and moving his head with my own. My mouth claims his neck and I bite down gently, causing him to both wince and moan at the same time. "We don' have ta tell nobody, Jai. It can be just our secret. 'sides," but I don't finish. Jai's hands curl into the belt of my jeans and I'm silenced completely as I feel his thumbs stroke just a fraction of an inch beneath the elastic of my boxers.
"I shouldn't want you like this, Kole," he mumbles weakly against me, but I'm far to distracted by his thumbs. I pull my hips upwards to greet his thumbs slightly, and he smiles at me despite the obvious fear in his eyes. His lips come down to meet mine again, and I hear no more protests from him as his hands fumble to remove my belt from me.
Jai is thrusting inside me, and I've lost all consciousness of the burn of the couch beneath my back. My back arches and I feel myself tighten around him as we both begin to ride out our orgasms together right on the living room couch. Right next to our household door which opens up to reveal our mother and father standing there in complete horror.
Momma drops the back of groceries in her hands to the floor and stares at us in complete shock for awhile, falling into a set of tears. Jai seems aware of her presence before I am, and he instantly pulls out of me, but covers me completely with his body as if he can somehow still shield me like big brothers do. "Jaiden Alan McKinney, I … I almost expect this from your brother, but … you?" she calls in a horrified manner that instantly makes me ball.
Papa, however, looks mortified and instantly turns to punch the door. "Boys! In your rooms, your separate rooms! And where the devil is Dillion? If you've perverted my little one too I'll murder you both a hell of a lot worse than what I'm already going to do!"
"Don't hurt them, Jimmy!" comes the shout of Momma as she puts up a hand, but he's already walking out the door. "Boys. Get dressed. Now! I'll talk to your father, and make sure Dillion's all right. Up! Up! Jesus, boys, he's gettin' the gun! Git the hell outta the house and take Dillion with ya! He dun need ta see this!"
Jai grabs my wrists and pulls me into his room, throwing the basket of clean clothes at me. We both begin to dress and our clothes find us what feels like a millennia longer than it took for us to remove them. I grab a blanket off the bed and run to grab Dillion, wrapping him in the blanket as soon as I see him. Jaiden is at my side as I pick him up, and Dillion opens his eyes with a faint squeak.
When we get back into the hallway, Momma rushes us out the backdoor. Jaiden pulls her to make her follow, but she yanks herself free and slams the door shut to lock it once she gets back inside. "Go fer the forest, Kole," Jai whispers in a frighten tone, and so both of us run down the mud slicked hill trying to reach the shade of the woods. The problem is, we live in farm territory and reaching the woods takes a good set of hills and some cornfield before you get there.
Making matters worse, it's the snowy season and the corn has been chopped down for harvest months ago. Jai's presence beside me makes me run harder, and the sudden sound of a gunshot beside me jolts me to the core. I turn to make sure that Jai is okay, but Jai just tells me to keep running.
Another set of gunshots are heard in the distance, but I'm concentrating more on the fact that I've hit the woodlands. Dillion looks up at me dazed as I pull further into the woods a bit more calm. "Koles?" he mutters, causing me to look down at him. "Koles, I'm cold."
"Shh, Dillion. Don't say nothin', okay?"
"Where's Jai-Jai?" he asks and I suddenly jerk around to realize that Jaiden isn't near me anymore. I take a deep breath and stare outwards in hopes that he'll show through the line of trees, but something already tells me he's not coming. Dillion looks up at me confused and grabs at my shirt collar, giving a small pout. "I wants Jai-Jai, Koles. Jai-Jai!"
"Shh, Dillion, I said!" I snap, glaring at him slightly. He begins to cry and I instantly feel bad, curling him a little tighter in my arms as I stare out through the trees. My voice falters slightly as I stare down at him, feeling the tears suddenly fall down my cheeks as well. "I wants him, too. He'll come soon, righ' Dilly? Jai ain't ever left us when we need 'im."
Dillion may not understand what's going on, but he can see that I'm crying and he instantly stops his own tears to put his hands on my cheeks. "S'okay, Kolesy. Jai-Jai come back, righ'?"
I didn't answer him for awhile, fearing that if I said the words allowed that were true, but eventually they escaped me. "No, Dillion. Jai-Jai ain't comin' back this time."
"I didn't mean for it ta happen this way either," I sob quietly over the dirt of the grave. I haven't come back to see my family in nearly ten years, and today is Jaiden's birthday, or at least it would have been. Dillion stretches slightly and stares me, glancing at the grave awkwardly. Dillion's fifteen now, but he doesn't remember anything about Jai except what I've told him.
"Kolesy, we don't have time to stay sittin' here all day," he whines like teenagers do, shuffling his feet slightly. His lips come down to press against my cheek tenderly, and I grab him and sob into his shirt as he hugs me. "Come on, Kolesy. Take a deep breath and get back in the car so we can go get somethin' ta eat."
I nod and stand up, draping my arm over his shoulder as I turn to blow a kiss in the direction of Jaiden's gravesite. "I love ya, Jai. I do."
'I know' seems to whisper the wind, causing me to tuck my hair behind my ears and stare up at the tall red tree that curls over his headstone.
"Hey Koles," Dillion says with a wide, innocent smile. "Let's go out drinkin' like you and Jai used to do."
Irk. I know. It's an oddly abrupt ending but I like it that way for some reason. Oo This was just kind of meant to break my writer's block. I think it worked. Maybe. Sort of. I'll probably crank out a few more one-shots before that happens fully. Rawr. Oh well. Hehehe.
Oh. And I completely intended for the story to be accented, so if the words are strucked weird or seem wrong it's fully intential. Like when they say "wants". I talk like that/this. Whatever. I do it. I can master the hillbilly speech.
Hahaha. Oh. And I don't know why this ended up being incest... I guess maybe I've read too many incest stories lately. I'm not incestuous mind you. I just like taboos. (If you're into this kind of thing then I suggest you read xanthofile's stuff. It's pretty much her trademark.
That's pretty much it, says is meh.