your picture is worth a thousand (silent) words

i told her everything that i could never tell to her face.
i wrote three letters to show my hurt and i just wanted her to help.
but even before (in mid-may of 2005) i showed her TO HER FACE
the (pathetic) scars on my wrists and i thought she would understand
(but she shrugged it off like i(t) was fucking nothing to her
and only wrote me a note, telling me how "awesome" i was ((am?/not)) ).
and i wouldn't be afraid to tell her everything but i never want
to stare into those (cold but beautiful) blue eyes again
(because they ((she)) bring((s)) so much pain).
i even left my address in hopes that she would write back
but it's been almost four (dreadful.torturous.miserable) months and nothing yet.
i've erased/destroyed (almost) every material thing of/about/from her
(excluding the picture that is sitting in a picture frame in my closet
because i don't want to hang it on my wall even though
my other ((wonderful & real)) friends are there ((excluding the other bitch
who i also told my situation to. and yes, she showed compassion
but it only lasted two fucking days. screwherandallthelies she said
because she wouldn't care if i died either).
and i never see (that blue-eyed) girl anymore because
she's (probably) too busy with an actual life as i sit and bleed,
watching the cold hate d r i p to the floor and mean (almost) everything.
i'd scream this all in her fucking face and i would tell her what
every scar across my arms means if she would only listen.
but i'm (apparently) so unworthy of love that my heart as been
r i p p e d a p a r t and trampled on (as fragile as it is).
i deserve so much more better but things would be if she only apologized.

January 21, 2006

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a very crappy ending. i didn't know how to end it.
i just can't stop thinking about her and what's she's done.
i'm so pathetic. forgive me.