this is how i bleed

this is how it is to bleed for her:
cuts so deep that they need to be sewn together (by the thread
of her lies and b r o k e n promises) in order to heal. tears that
never fail to fall down my face with gasping sobs to follow.
and vomit mixed with hate enough to make me do this over
and over again. piles of rusty razorblades could never amount
to the hurt she (is) put(ting) me through. and it hurts even more
(like barbed wire cutting at my skin) to know that she hasn't yet
acknowledged my hurt that i'm almost tempted to write her
another letter (but this time stain it with my own blood).
and finally i had the strength to r i p a p a r t that picture
from may of 2005. and i burned them over a flickering candle
flame to show how much my hate burns for her. because i'm tired
of being such a coward (too afraid to even look at her face in pictures).
and i'm doing this to prove that i can forget about her (even though
i'm still bleeding). but this is just another step to make myself forget
about her (even though my scars are still visible). and maybe
she's already forgotten how me (it pains me to say so) but
at least i can say that i was strong enough to help myself without her.

January 30, 2006


i'm surprising myself at how fast i'm able to spit this shit out.

and yeah, that picture, i really did it. i'm proud of myself for it.