A/N: I'm trying a couple different ways of writing. This is an all email story. Mostly between to best friends in sophomore year. Funny, politically awaren and filled with slick (I wish) pop culture references this is the story of two girls trials and tribulations through Hilton High School. Also Emily is NOT the Emily from Take My Fucking Hand. It's just a coincidence that I forgot about until I finished Chapter 1 and I'm too lazy to change

To: Lisa Miller

From: Fran Stein

Subject: Emily

Dear Mrs. Miller,

I am emailing you because your daughter is in my English class. I wanted to inform that she has been starting off the year very poorly. She has been informed that though it is only October, she is expected to adjust to the highered expectations of this year. She is not a freshman anymore, as you are well aware. She has been goofing off in class, in order to win the attention of a certain young man who sits near her I believe, and has been recently not been turning in her homework. She is in an honors course and if she would like to remain in it she had better get her act together. It is your duty as a parent to stay involved in your daughter's school life and I hope that you speak very severely with her. If she continues this behavior she will be thrown out of my class. Please contact me as soon as possible so we can deal with this problem as a team.

Thank you,

Fran Stein

Hilton High School-Honors Sophomore English

To: Emily Miller

From: Lisa Miller

Subject: English class?!

Attached: Subject: Emily

Em, you are dead. I'm not kidding. Life as you know it is over. -Mom

To: Meg Lewis

From: Emily Miller

Subject: When I die, will you cry?

And no those are not the lyrics to the latest pop sensation, I need to know.

To: Emily Miller

From: Meg Lewis

Subject: Oh shut up

Seriously Emily. You're so melodramatic. What is it now? Oh wait let me guess...Dan STILL hasn't asked you to homecoming. Oh boo hoo. Talk to me when you have a real problem.

To: Meg Lewis

From: Emily Miller

Subject: Hows this for a real problem?

Fran-Ken-Stein emailed my mother. All kinds of BS about me not paying attention in class. AND she mentioned my acting out to win the affections of Dan, though she didn't mention him by name it was totally insinuated. And now my mom's going to be all "Who's this boy you like? Huh? You can tell me!" If of course she has not killed me, which she already threatened. By the way, thanks for bringing up my lack of homecoming date. Though this issue kind of puts it in perspective it is still a pertinent problem in my mind.

To: Emily Miller

From: Meg Lewis

Subject: Wow, that does put all your other problems in perspective, huh?

I mean one minute ago you were worrying about the fact that you have no date to homecoming, your XC meet this weekend and your complete inability to multiply quickly in your head (making you just another of George Bush's statistics, huh?). Geez, those just took a backseat, eh?

To: Meg Lewis

From: Emily Miller

Subject: Gee, thanks...

I feel tons better NOW. You forgot to bring up my fear that I will end up and old never-been-kissed spinster. Oh, my god, I saw Must Love Dogs over the weekend and it was like watching my future. You know without John Cusack or the happy ending and all.

To: Emily Miller

From: Meg Lewis

Subject: Laugh Out Loud

You worry so much. Let me solve all of your problems with my usual words of comfort:

a) Fran-Ken-Stien is a bitch. Your grade is fine, just do your homework and stop trying to win the affection of Dan with your witty (and overly LOUD) comments.

b) All signs point to yes, though it may not be Dan, you will have a date to homecoming. And if you don't what are your really missing? Gross food, warm punch and a bunch of homonally charged teens basically having sex through their formalwear to 50 Cent's "Candy Shop." Do you really want to be part of that?

c) Cross Country should not even be a worry in your mind. Nobody blames you for blowing that meet last weekend. You were sick! Coughing up blood! You shouldn't have even been running, you coach is a maniac, you could have TB. Besides, the guys are totally nice, they always say "Hi" to you in the halls.

d) Okay, so you are a LITTLE slow with the multiplying in you head. But really it's not that embarassing when Ms. Johns calls on you, you always get the answer right in the end.

e) You life will not be Must Love Dogs minus the happy ending. Why were you even watching that movie, it just depresses you to see how old Diane Lane and John Cusack have gotten. Anyway, you will meet a wonderful man and live a happy life with him. Christ, you're only fifteen!

Now, I have to go, not all of us have the luxury of having a study hall and I think that Mrs. Curtis-the computer nazi is getting suspicious that I am not ACTUALLY doing my HTML codes.



PS. So, for how long are we doing this whole, speaking in shorthand, typing in longhand thing. Isn't it getting a little old? Just a thought.

To: Meg Lewis

From: Emily Miller

Subject: I don't feel better

And here is my reasoning:

a) Fran-Ken-Stien is now on edge and will throw me out of the class if I "have one more outburst." But how can I help it? Look at the very structure of the word, sometimes my clever comments just burst out.

b) Sure, it may be all the things you just said, but I still want to go. With a date. A hot date. Dan.

c) XC totally does hate me. The guys only talk to me because they think I am cool because they are under the impression that I am a huge Family Guy and South Park fan. Because I kind of went along with it when they said I was. I mean you would have done the same, they were all looking at me expectantly and no one else was talking to me because I had just blown the meet. But now of course I have to nod along with the Family Guy quotes, while wanting to kill myself.

d) People were SNICKERING. And hissing the answer. I hate it when they do that, you know? I could figure out the goddamn answer so much faster if nobody's hissing at me.

e) You have no way of knowing what the future has in store for me. However, I do, I asked my magic 8 ball last night if I would die with my profile still on You know what the answer was?

It is without a doubt.

My life is hell and I don't even care anymore.

Apathetically Yours,


PS Are you kidding? Getting old? Don't make me laugh my ass off. We won't stop until people start to rethink the stupidity of shorthand. Are they really Rolling On the Floor Laughing? I don't think so.

To: Emily Miller

From: Meg Lewis

Subject: Oh, shut up

Go tell your problems to a thirteen year old prostitute in Indonesia. You life is just fine.

Why is it that the only HTML codes I know are MySpace related? This is just sad. I can put a heart at the end of my display name but I can't for the life of me figure out how to make text scroll.

So, basically we'll never stop?

To: Meg Lewis

From: Emily Miller

Subject: Re: Oh, shut up

Your hypothetical Indonesian prostitute may very well feel sorry for me! She could pour me a cup of coffee and we could comiserate together about the woes of womanhood.

As for your limited HTML knowledge, this speaks volume about our generation. Fingers crossed, its a sign of the decline of technology.

To: Emily Miller ......

From: John White

Subject: Schedule


Here's next week's running schedule.

Sunday: Rest

Monday: Six Miles

Tuesday: Hills

Wednsday: 20x400s

Thursday: 40 Minute intervals (Sprints to Jogging-NO WALKING)

Friday: Tempo Run

See you at practice this afternoon.

Coach White

"It's at the borders of pain and suffering that the men are separated from the boys."

- Emil Zatopek

To: Emily Miller

From: Conor Corrigan

Subject: Jesus Christ!


Did you get White's practice schedule? What the hell? 20x400s?! He's a crazy man. Well, see you at practice.


PS Did you see Family Guy last night? It was hilarious

To: Conor Corrigan

From: Emily Milller

Subject: Jesus Christ Right Back At You!

He's getting out of control. Did you see his little comment after intervals-Sprints and Jogging NO WALKING! I wonder who THAT was directed to? Poor Katie, do you think she'll make it?

Uh, no I didn't catch it. I had a ton of homework last night. You'll have to catch me up.