Elusive Punishment

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To see you not with me, to know that you don't care anymore, to think that you hate me…all these are manifestations of what used to be…my heart is screaming for hope and renewal…

I held in one hand a lighted candle, and in the other, a bright crimson blade. I would have ended my life right there and then, for in your eyes I no longer existed…

It may have been stupid of me to regret the past, but I cannot help it. I had always been living in it, after all…forever wallowing in a pool of self-hate…of self-disgust.

I raised my eyes and saw that I stood on a shadowed corner of an empty room. Right in front of me stood a mirror… it looked as if a bullet had pierced right through it…I stared, looking at my own disgusting person…wishing, hoping…I noticed that there were still a few shards of glass hanging on to its frame…they were stained blood red…

I looked up once more and saw your face…it flickered and vanished…ah, such mirages…they haunt me so…forever to dawn in this forsaken darkness…

Teardrops fell from my eyes as I knelt down in despair…was there really no hope for me? Am I condemned to be forever in this state? I longed for you…could I ever get back…Hope?

I wept long and loud…I didn't care who'd hear me…who was I to care, anyway? Was I even capable of such? In this dark room, no one would enter, except for me and…

Cherishing the wetness I felt on my fingertips as I wiped my eyes, I suddenly gasped. Your tender embrace…where was it now? Your comforting words…where were they now? Your presence…will I ever live to feel it again?

My lips then formed words I would never have dreamt of saying before as I heard a click behind me.

I LOVE YOU.

BANG.

My heart screamed as I felt your hands pushing me to the floor…

I don't care about you. Die. Suffer. Be tormented. I hate you…

No, I cannot, ever.

I sigh, and fall in a crumpled heap onto the ground.