My memory can only take me this far,

A little under fifteen years

And even those, I don't remember

With the clarity I remember you.

It's easy, thinking of

Sitting on your lap and reading,

Or pretending to,

So eager to prove my intelligence,

Show you I could do

Exactly what an adult could

And more, because

I cooked, I cleaned up

Even if it was just play,

I put on my own clothes,

I took Swindy for long walks

And you smiled

When I did.

I loved you, with all the love

I could gather in my fast-growing heart

But even then, I didn't love enough.

I love you now,

My heart's a lot bigger,

My hair's many inches longer

(It's always in my eyes)

And I can read, Mummy!

Books that you read, the ones

You left in old trunks.

And maybe if you were still around

I'd read them to you

In my deep adult voice,

And let you sit on my lap.