If there was ever a word that could take the very breath from my lungs, it would be it.

It cuts straight to my heart, quick as a rattlesnake strike and leaves an acidic mark that my tears can't erase.

It hides beneath layers of 'My December' and tangled bed sheets, looms beyond the clear stream of consciousness that I've long forgotten how to use.

It sings me softly to sleep only to torment those dark hours with my unadultered fears.

It brings my worst nightmare to life.

It drowns out the summer days with fathomless, cancelled skies and an empty carton of cigarettes.

It makes me hate beyond words, teases me and dangles me by a thin string, snatching him just out of my reach.

It casts shadows across his chest in the form of metal, the very tag worn to ensure his protection. And that metal is colder to me than reaching across an empty bed for the hundredth time.


Oh, how I wish it didn't exist."

10:31am 2/7/2006