I sit here lost in my thoughts
As I stare out this window;
I watch the leaves blowing across the ground
I hear the silence of the night
I smell the air of my room
I long for the sent of fresh air
Cause fresh air means I'm outside
Outside at night means I'm alone
Alone is what I need right now
I need to clear my head
And erase those foul words I just heard from my mind
I want the yelling to stop
I can't help but think
"Is it my fault?"
Is it my sibling's fault?
Is it the dog's?
I pray and pray to God each night
Asking him to stop the yelling
He knows how much it kills me inside
He knows what vow's I made
He knows that I vowed to not hurt myself intentionally
He knows that they're fighting temps me
It temps me because it seems to take away the pain
Later I discover
It brings more
So I keep thinking
For every scream;
For ever dog bark I hear
Is it my all fault?
Some people don't know
So they do not tell me yes or no
Those who know say it's not my fault
But I can't help thinking it is
Cause I know
I am the cause to the start
I do or don't do something
And it makes one of them mad
So they take their anger out
On the other
And it starts there
Then it explodes into every little glitch in life
Why must we only see the bad?
Why is the good hidden in the clouds?
Inside the clouds locked away,
Are all the happy tears of the rain
The raindrops of good past memories
We are only able to visualize the hail
The hard hitting bricks of ice
That only grow bigger with every second
When the hail over takes us completely?
Making us forget every little thing of good
Then where are we?
Are we inside a vast tunnel?
Where only cold hail is around us
Causing us to dwell in the past
What have we become?
We all used to live in this world
Surrounded and over lapped with joy and glory
How did we become the opposite of what was intended?
So I continue thinking
About how we have gone wrong
I pray again for us to be released from this hell
This frozen hell
Where we all become cold and heartless
Where we all are filled with lies every day
Where lovely memories are eliminated for eternity
Where we can only imagine good
Where when we imagine good, we are punished
When will the frozen vessel keeping us inside melt?
Will it be the day when all wars are ended?
The day when Christ died for us?
We can only hope,
That this day will come.
For that's all we have left.
Needs, go fulfilled
Desires go unpaid for.
Why have we become a society that revolves around gold?
Money, fortune, gold; it's all the same
We live in a greedy place.
Oh how I long to smell the fresh air again
Cause every time I stair out that window at night
Thinking can be good
Yet it can be bad
So what do we do know?
Think only happy thoughts
We can't do that
Because they are lost
Am I just lucky?
Or do all people have a place to go when things go wrong?
Mine is everywhere
As long as I'm alone
The thing that's strange
Is that when I stare out this window
I am alone
Because just down a floor below me is where the yelling is
Why must I be the eldest child?
I stay awake at night because I can not sleep
Just before my eyes glue in for the night
It all begins
Then my eyes bolt right open
Shedding my raindrops