You think I am Beautiful

A short letter from a girl to her lover, trying to say what she could never say before. Deeply personal for me, because I wrote it to my lover. He means so much to me, and a copy of this will be read aloud to him.

You think I'm beautiful.

I know that sounds so cheesy, but you do, and any girl wants to hear that said by the one person that will love her for the rest of her life, maybe even longer. It just makes us love those who say it more. I love you more every time I hear it. You think I'm beautiful.

You love me enough to let me go where I think I want to go, and you love me enough to take me back when that guy breaks my heart, when my friend betrays me, when my parents get angry at me.

There is something incredibly beautiful that happens to me when I'm loved. There is something that happens within me that only you, my lover, can do. You touch me in ways no one else can. You love me so completely, nothing else matters, though I sometimes leave you alone, thinking that there are things that are more important than you and me. Then my heart is broken, my trust betrayed, and when I get into fights with those I love as well.

Then you wrap your arms around me and tell me that I'm beautiful. You whisper in my ears of the incredible love that you have for me, and love heals all my wounds.

You think I'm beautiful.

When I'm feeling nasty, when I haven't showered, when someone has just rejected me, you think I'm beautiful. When I think I am the ugliest person on earth, you simply lean over, whispering, and you tell me that I'm beautiful.

Then I begin to cry, and you let me hold you like a teddy bear, and you hold me in return, whispering that I'm beautiful, and no matter what happens, you'll always be there.

I belong to you.

There are some women that tell me that I'm letting myself be controlled, that I need to be liberated, but you make it very clear. Whenever I go away, you let me go, but when I come back, you tell me that I belong to you, and you know, that sounds so beautiful.

I belong to you.

You possess me, you guard me from being stolen. You take care of my needs and desires, you own me. You love me. I belong to you. Somehow, there is something incredibly beautiful in that. I will never be stolen, no one will break my heart if you own it. You will never break my heart. My needs and desires are something that you will take care of. Sometimes I get angry, because I live in a generation that expects everything done right away, but you teach me patience by asking me to wait a moment. Then you get the things I need and give them to me.

I belong to you.

But you love me, and I'll never be stolen from you. That is the reason why I feel alright to be owned by you.

I don't know if all my words are coming out correctly, if what I'm trying to say is getting through at all, but all I have are words. How to express something deeper than language and culture and appearances in such mundane things as words? It is impossible.

You know the concept of love languages? The idea is that people have one of five natural love languages, and the only real way to feel completely loved is to be spoken to in that language, and the only way you prefer to love is in that language. There's words of affirmation, saying things as simple as "I love you" and "You're beautiful", and there's acts of service, when we feel most loved by simply being served. There's gifts, where being given things is our way of feeling loved, and there's quality time, when spending time with them is a way of showing love. The final one is touch, where physical touch is important to make us feel loved, and it can be anything from a simple brush of hand on shoulder to a hug or a kiss.

You know I don't know my love language. I've been spoken to in so many languages that I do not know which language I feel most loved in, and you know it. You simply love me in all five languages, and never have I felt so loved before.

But I love it when you touch me. I love it when you say the simple things to me, reminding me that you love me. I know I never spend enough time with you, and I love to serve you. That is why I love to belong to you, because I can show how much I love you through serving you, but you serve me too, giving me the things I need. And goodness knows I love to get things from you, even if you don't always sign your name. Sometimes I'll know that you gave it to me, and sometimes I think someone else gave it to me, but I still thank you for them, and I know you've given them to me.

You think I'm beautiful. No matter what I look like.

I belong to you. You take care of me, and I have no needs at all.

You love me in all languages, even if I don't acknowledge it.

I love you so much, though I have no idea how to say it all the time, and sometimes I forget. Then I feel so guilty that I don't want to go back to you, but you send me an email, and you tell me that I'm beautiful.

I cry then, and run over to your house, and you let me hold you like a teddy bear. I cry on your shoulder, and you touch me in ways only you, my lover, can. You simply hold me and tell me that I'm beautiful.

Coming from you, I believe it for the first time. From my parents, from my friends, from my relatives, from the newspapers, from men with nasty intentions, from myself, from anyone else, I shrug it away.

But from you, I have to believe that it's true, because you never lie to me.

You think I'm beautiful.

And I love you for it.

Thank you is all I have to express it, so that is all I can say. Thank you. Thank you for loving me, thank you for forgiving me whenever I betray your trust, thank you for holding me, thank you for taking care of me.

Thank you so much.

Thank you, because you think I'm beautiful.

To those who know my lover, don't keep him silent! Let those who have ears hear, and those who have eyes see.

Shadow YellowEyes