Just say Something

I have to say something

Anything

Tell them they're wrong

Lie like I know so well

Assuming another broken identity

Continuing on this endless road

That everyone says will only lead to pain

What do they know

You don't even recognize me

At least pain is something

Unlike this numbness and these

Dreaded tears that fall for no reason at all

Blood instead of tears

Death instead of shame

How many people have said these things

Do they apply to me as well

Feel something you can understand

Knowing every thought you have is wrong

Every word you say is always

Open for textbook analysis and library diagnosis

Passive aggressive hitting another wall

Laugh as they push you to the floor once again

Your head starts to burst in pain

Strangely not your own doing

Losing control

Falling into this black hole

Say anything anything anything

I scream in my mind

I feel like your icy eyes are swallowing mine

Waiting for the subliminal messages

And inside jokes I never seem to get

Something more than everyday slang

(And a question mark fading away)

writing the words into my mind

with blue ink and whatever else

I can find

Your name in rust beside my own

Inky reminders

Admiring my art

So I won't forget who I am

What I am

Believing those lies even as I say them

Knowing somehow

That's the only way I can survive

Getting those stupid words out

It is all so confusing

Been too many years

Let the nothingness finally dissolve

more waves of confusion

Diffusion

Anything anything anything

I can't look at you anymore

Or I'll never be able to look away

Let me forget me let me forget you and me

Another barrage of numbness and secret words

None of you know them

None of you know me

Overjoyed blue yellow green black white

Flash beep red

Swish

Drip

See you tomorrow