i want to hear it from you

i just want(ed) you to know all that you have
been doing to me but after everything, i'm
nothing more to you than the wind that flows
through your hair. and yes, again, for the second
time, i had to learn from her (your best friend, right?)
that you actually read those letters i wrote but you
didn't (have the heart to) write back because you
wanted to forget (everything about me). yes, that's what
she said but she didn't see the tears falling from my eyes
and the way my nails scratched at my wrists as i tried to
calmly tell her what you are doing to me. no, don't you see
that i never meant for it to be this way because you weren't
supposed to mean this much to me. and she said that
i should live for myself and not for you but how can i when
every fucking thought in my head revolves around you
and each scar drawn across my wrists have been made for
you? don't you know that i want you to tell me (not her)
everything you feel (because you never made her bleed).
if you want to forget then go ahead and continue what
you have been doing as i slowly rot away (on the inside),
drawing scars on wrists/thighs/arms (oh god) and trying so hard
to determine whether this bullet will make a difference.

February 19, 2006

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her best friend talked to me today over the computer, ha. this is what came out of it.