I was aloud to stay home from school as long as I want, but I thought to myself do I really want to stay home with him. I did not have to think about it, I knew I did not want to stay home. No matter how much it hurt, No matter how much sleep I got, I would rather sit in school.
It did not take me long to shower and get dressed. I was use to showering fast getting out and putting my hair back in a bun and brushing my teeth. I always seem to wear baggie clothes and then I just started to wear guy's clothes. It was always about being me. I was never the girly-girl. I put on my boxers with little smiley faces on them. I put on my sports bra and a tie-dye long sleeve shirt. It has been a long time since I was able to wear short sleeve clothing. It was okay now. It was starting to get cold outside. It was about mid-September and the weather was starting to change. Leaves were starting to fall and everyone was in school and back to everyday life.
I grabbed the picture of my mother and I out of the picture frame on my desk, folded it, and placed it in my back pocket. It is my favorite picture of us, but I did not want to think about her right now it hurt too much. I really didn't want to show up to school crying. I walked out of my room grabbing my bag off the floor putting it over my shoulder. It is a huge black bag had rainbow studs on it that I kept everything in it.
I didn't even look at him as I walked out of the house. I walked down the driveway on to the road and waited for Jessica. She likes to pick me up every morning. She has every day since I met her. I wake up in the morning I would call her to come get me and she would come. She called me on a few rare occasions and came to get me. Today I did not need to call she knew I would be going to school. She did not get why but she knew. She had this weird way of reading me even when she first met me. I barley talk to her and still she always knew something was wrong. I try sometimes to shut her out for her own safety but the truth is a huge part of me wants here there. It was mainly my stupid heart. I was falling for her, does not mean anything is going to happen. I do not deserve her, not one bit.
She pulled up in her red Mustang V6 Deluxe convertible. Her parents have the money to buy her stuff like that. Her father was some big shot lawyer in New York City before he decided to move here. God only knows why he would give up all that to live in this small ass town in Pennsylvania. She had the top down as we drove to school. She parked where she always did in the alley behind the school. We walked together around the block to the corner by the school where everyone goes to smoke. I pulled my pack out of Marlboro Menthol lights and my lighter. I needed that so much. Nicotine seems to be what relaxed me, it is my addiction and it makes me feel so much better. Even if I knew it would kill me eventually.
"How are you today?" She asked me speaking for the first time. I just looked at her tears feeling like they were about to fall. She nodded knowing I felt like shit, but she had no idea what he did to me last night. So on top of the hurt I was feeling I felt discussed with myself. "Why don't we skip out?" She noticed the same thing I did. The looks of pity I was getting as people pasted. I nodded and we walked back to her car. I knew where I needed to go. I wanted to see my mom.
"Can we go see my mom?" I asked her. See nodded and drove towards the cemetery. The cemetery was about 5 minutes from the school by car. In no time, we were there. Jessica knew exactly where it was because she came to the funeral and everything. She was amazing.
"Do you want me to come with you?" Jessica asked me as she pulled up next to the row of graves where my mother was. She put the car in park and turned it off. I shook my head and got out of the car. I walked over to the gravestone and kneeled on the side of it because it was all dirt in front of it. I stared down and it feeling the tears comes to my eyes. I missed her so much.
"Hey mom" I whispered to the gravestone as she was there. "I miss you!" I let the tears fall for the first time. I just sat there, cried until Jessica came, and wrapped her arms around me. I couldn't stop crying. Why did my life have to be like this? I hate my father. He took the one person who meant anything to me away. I punched the ground. Jessica grabbed my hand. I tangled my fingers in hers.
"It's okay," She kissed me on the cheek. I jerked away from her and walked toward the car. My father always kisses me on the cheek. That is what I seen the second she did it. I lit up a cigarette and hoped into her car. She was looking at me from the gravestone. She did not get why I pulled away. She looked down at the ground and walked to the car.
The car ride was quite. We ended up at the river. She got out and I fallowed. She sat on the rock and looked to me in deep thought. I sat next to her wondering what she was thinking about, I started at her face as she started at the water. She looked up at me.
"What?" she smiled at me. My stomach did a little flop. I shook my head smiling to myself. She was amazing even her smile cheered me up. We sat there for hours just talking and laughing. All I keep thinking is god I wanted to kiss her. I couldn't though. She didn't need me there. She would only end up dead if she got with me. Those lips were the pink and full and what is wrong with me? I looked back at the river when the smile graced those beautiful lips.
"Lets go, I got to get home, school will be out in like two minutes." We walked back over to her car and got in. She took me home and I wanted to be back at the river. However, it was back to reality and the fact that my life is horribly all wrong. I hugged her and then got out of the car and walked into my house. He was trashed all ready. I could smell the alcohol on his breath as he walked up to me with a beer in his hand.
"Who was your friend?" He was looking out the window as Jessica drove away. I was horrified that he seen her. I didn't want him to even know we were good friends. "Wasn't she the girl from the funeral?" He smiled as if he just won the lottery. "Jessica I think her name is!"
"Don't worry about it!" I spat out at him. That is when he knocked me against the door. I fell to the ground from the pain in my back. He needed to stop working out. I pushed my self back up, pushed him out of the way, and climbed the stairs. He fallowed close behind me. I ran into my room and locked the door.
"Come on Kayla," he said in his charming tone. I knew what he wanted, and it made me sick. "Open up the door!" I curled up in the corner of my room. I wanted to cry. I looked out my window and I seen Jessica walking up the sides walk. She knocked on the door. What the hell is she doing back here? I heard my dads footsteps walk down the hall. I hoped out the window and climbed down the railing on my porch. I hopped off and pulled her by the arm.
"Kay what the fuck?" she asked just as my dad opened the door. There stood my dad in his boxers with out the beer can. He smiled at us, and then looked Jessica up and down. Great. I just wanted to get her out of here. "You left this in my car!" She handed me the picture of my mother and I. I put it in my back pocket.
"Thanks," I said to her. "Sorry about pulling you like that!"
"When did you become like fucking spider-man climb porches and shit?" she laughed about it. My father walked back into the house and slammed the door. "I'll let you go, I just know you most likely wanted that."
"Thanks!" I let go of her arm after I remembered I was holding it. She was giving me this look. She smiled at me as if I was the only one in the world to her. Maybe she did like me, I really like her. Did it matter? I could not bring her in my fucked up life anymore then she already is. "I guess I'll see you later?"
"Yea, sure!" she looked disappointed about something. I gave her a hug and started the climb back up my porch and onto the roof. I climbed in my window and sat on my bed. All I seemed to think about was her face. Her red hair, her green eyes, freckles lightly dusting her face. Most of all those lips, I longed to kiss her lips. I knew what I was feeling. I just cannot let myself go there.
I needed out of my house so I changed into my work out clothes, which consisted of a white t-shirt and a pair of boy shorts that were longer then my knees. I unlocked my door, then opened it, and scanned the hall to see if he was out there. He wasn't, thank god. I ran down the stairs and out the door. I walked fast to the YMCA. It was my favorite place to work out. I was getting out of shape and I had schools coming to watch me play this year.
The YMCA was this Giant building at the corner of my street. It had everything I needed to stay in shape. The first place I went to was the fitness room. I always run on the treadmill. I run a nice steady pace for a half hour every time. I knew my cuts and bruises were showing but I ignored it. No one needed to know how they got there, I don't think anyone cared. When I ran everything, seem to fade away.
I love to get my anger out on something and I knew just the way. Since I was old enough to throw a punch my grandfather taught me how to box, He died when I was younger but I still kept going. I taped up my hands and started to rotate around the punching bag, punching it as hard as I can. There was thoughts of everything running threw my head. My father was on the top. The bastard, I wanted to kill him painfully. If I was not so damn scared of him, I would. I kept picturing the night he killed my mother. It was always replaying in my mind. I punched the bag harder. I do not know how long I was punching the bag and I didn't care, all I knew was it was making me feel better.
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