Xanadu I Wait For You…Come Hither… I Beseech You

Xanadu, that place that once was and yet though hidden, shrouded, there it remains… br so idyllic, exotic and luxurious

Layers upon heaped upon layers of torturous living…in despairing depths… where ever it was that death waited, in the shadows lurking, lingering

That was the existence…barely surviving, going 'round n- round, doing the same, doing the needful and turning home into a hospice house

But now release has been found, released to live as it were, of in the advancing remembering long time ago passings of silken Xanadu, time before the heartaches and the pains and mentally those thots touching and slowly caressing, fingering

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Instauration in a season of Winter's wait gives one the inner experience of knowing

Springtime's blooming renewal and restoration beyond belief

It's like no matter now how bitter cold, how utterly bone chilling… ever snowing

Yet liken onto The Groundhog's forecast, it is known that 'tis only six weeks more then what is found is…relief (smile)

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Oxymoronic perhaps could be thot considered by others of the behavioral way displayed

For when others express heart profound grief, sadness and feeling somehow lost

The ones closest, the ones through it all, through at times daily toiling as though in hell, ones that only a heart beat away, who knew of the pain… are rather in Celebration arrayed

For the Life that sought only the highest of ideals to live by is as now a spirit on clouds fair tossed

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Neighboring friends filled in those long days of years in passing when not hardly family was to be found

One Lady, gentle, so kind, sent a bouquet of tender tulips so soft a vibrant shade of pink

Their radiance filled Mama's room and love was felt in a totality that engulfed the whole room 'round

It is now on these things so lovely do we give ourselves to ponder upon and meditation think.

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Generational passings on the Time Line of Life lap onward

As the oceans ebb and flow, lapping and overlapping, washing the shoreline

Sometimes, too, the zephyrs are blown in ways mysterious, rampant and giving even gentle gliding seagulls to soar in a manner awarkward

Then once again the coveted breezes fair return and give warmth to this soul of mine

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Kafkaesque has ended, has in the passing vanished as new awakening comes into being

With journey that has been long and the road way hard

Time when out from the nightmare that had beset, utterly encumbering…but now a new beginning

Feet that have known blisters while traveling upon the thorns of life where ever lingered a broken pointed and hurtful burning shard

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Abecedarianly starting out, like in a Springtime soon to be, liken as to a toddler, coming at last to first step experiences to once again know

The steps once so completely stridden, apart of ones life, so natural…then retreating as it were

For Summer's radiant growth gave way to the letting go of Autumn before final blowing bitter snow

But now in midst of Winter's chill it is the beckon I feel within of Springtime's lure

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Incredible the what it is that has been, perhaps if had at first thot been known… would have thrown up hands in utter despair

But in the not knowing ahead of time, just one step ventured at a time, one breath at a time

With much it is that has been left undone, the sorting, going through what has come to be known… so that much there lies in need to have repair

It is in the going on, trusting that more and more will more clearly be understood the reason of it all and the prevailing rhyme

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This is written at a time now that is passing…as my Mother, Grace MacEwan, has passed not quite two weeks ago… These last months have been made bearable, well a bit more so…by having one in particular who in writings many took me from my days of sorrow in facing EACH day those daily pains that tugged at my heart as this loved one was facing death…yet not one for too those of us who share a life, share too in the facing of the final moments. God, it's been so hard at times and Thank all Goodness for the Ones who have came into my life and comfort provided. One in particular and his name is found within this writing…you have to know "The Code," as it were to some of my writings to find his name that is contained….for this One, literally I Thank The Life Creator for. Miracles yet still happen…for when a Brother is found… after long many years a search…my soul has truly been Blessed beyond belief.

Connie AKA Maisha February19, 2006