I have to stop.

If just for now.

Until the scars fade.

I see my fate in the water,

Fragmented like a cracked mirror.

I hold the razor,

Letting it tickle across my flesh.

But no blood.

What tears my skin is what keeps me together.

As together as I can every possibly be.

I close my eyes,

Inhaling until my lungs sting,

My throat is sore,

Until this craving subsides.

But it's so bearable,

Compared to this idiocy,

This longing,

For something so far from my reach.

This longing,

That I cannot be fixed,

That I keep to myself,

That no one is aware of.

Just to be saved...

But the fear would still be there.

My jealousy of others.

So many things,

That need fixing,

That I can temporarily fix with a sharp object.

But that is only fixed,

Until the itch of the razor subsides.

Alone again.

Always alone.

Welcoming the darkness back to me with each cut,

Each scrape,

Each bruise.

Why can't he understand?

When he doesn't even know...?

And alone again.

Left out,

The ice reaching out...

To kill me.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

You can't be fixed by a fixation.

Fading are the lines,

And then I will begin again.

Still it won't matter.

They don't know.

So it doesn't hurt.

So they don't care.

And I don't need to stop.

Until there are too many scars.

Until the marks cease to fade.