Can't Have It All

A/N: I don't know/own/have any affiliation with Hanson other than being a mere fan. So I'm not making any money and I'm not trying to pass this off as real, it'll never happen. Read and Enjoy!!

He watched her walk the distance between them. Walking with natural grace and bounce, her natural beauty exuded with every step. It wasn't as if she spent hours in the morning making herself beautiful, she just was. A smile was always playing on her lightly cherry glossed lips. Her eyes, the color of the ocean, sparkled with a hidden joy. Currently the wind had taken hold of her long auburn hair and seemingly chased it around her head. It took a shape that Zac could only interpret as a halo. He was momentarily disappointed when she smoothed down her straying her hair.

Lena's smile broadened showing her straight white teeth as she closed in on the swinging bench. She had once confined in Zac that it had taken four years of braces for her "perfect" smile. "And just what are you doing here Mr. Hanson?"

"I was just waiting on Lacie. We're going to see the new Tom Hanks movie. Do you want to come?"

As Lena joined him on the bench Zac became aware of a growing knot in his stomach. "No, I can't. I've got a five page paper on Hawethorne due tomorrow and I'm only on page two."

"Oh that sounds like fun. You could always take a break."

Lena laughed slightly. "I've taken several breaks. That's why I'm only on page two."

Zac nodded. "I can relate to that. But I recommend waiting until the morning to finish it. That kind of pressure will get the creative juices flowing."

"Well maybe that works for you hotshot," Lena said knocking into him, "but the rest of us have to put some thought into it."

"Fine," Zac said throwing his hands up in surrender. "Have it your way."

"I always do. Anyway, I can see my sister on her way over, so I'll see you later. Have fun and try to actually watch the movie." Lena patted his leg as she stood up to head inside. Zac felt as if his heart had jumped into his throat.

"You know, I'd be offended if that wasn't true," He shouted after clearing his throat. Lena laughed as she greeted her sister with a hug. After talking for a moment Lena turned around and gave Zac a final wave as she went inside. Lacie followed Lena's path back to Zac.

Lacie looked similar to her sister. Her hair was the same auburn, but cut short and slanted to the front with the longest pieces grazing her chin.

Zac stood up as Lacie reached the bench and gave her a kiss. "So, Lena tells me that you have ulterior motives for the movies this evening?"

With his arms securely around her waist and a mischievous glint in his eyes he replied deftly pushing Lena from his mind, "Well, we don't have to wait for the movies."

"Is that so now," Lacie said leaning slightly into Zac.

He nodded and leaned his head down. Before Zac could kiss her though she ducked down and twisted out of his grasp now holding one of his hands. "Too bad I really want to see this movie." Zac moaned as Lacie pulled him in the direction of the car.

"You are so cruel." Lacie simply laughed at him and told him to hurry up. Zac continued to drag his feet until she promised to get ice cream later if he behaved himself.

When the movie let out Lacie had to go to the bathroom. Zac pulled on his cap and sunglasses as he waited by a cardboard cutout for the latest comic book movie. He was just becoming restless when his phone rang. "Hello," he said eagerly.

"What are you doing," the voice asked.

"Lena. Don't you have a date with Hawethorne or somebody?"

"I just finished my paper actually. As celebration I was wondering if you and Lace wanted to go to Moo's for some ice cream."

"Sure. Lace and I had planned on getting some."

"Meet you guys in 20 minutes or so?"

"Yeah, sure. That is if your sister ever makes it out of the bathroom." As soon as Zac said this Lacie appeared. "Never mind, there she is. I'll see you soon mate."

"Did you just call me 'mate'?"

"Shut up. I've got a Brit lit class and it's starting to get to me."

"Ok, see ya mate." Zac grimaced and shut his phone as Lacie walked up.

"You ready to go Lena?"

Lacie stopped cold. "Excuse me?"

Zac looked confused for a split-second before realizing his mistake. "Oh, crap. I'm so sorry Lace. I was just on the phone with Lena and I guess my brain forgot to switch over. She's meeting us at Moo's," he finished hopefully.

"I don't know if I should let you go after that." She folded her arms and took a "you better grovel" stance. Zac knew what he was supposed to do, but he was feeling ornery.

Zac dropped to his knees and walked over the few feet between them as that was protocol. "Lacie, my love, I am so, so sorry." He put his hands onto her waist and casually reached into her back pocket. "But I don't really see how can stop me, now that I've got the keys!" He had grabbed her keys from their customary resting place and now was running for all he was worth.

"Zachary Walker you are so going to pay!" The two raced out to the car and after a brief scuffle Lacie was declared the winner. "Now, you are just lucky that I love my sister so much and that I haven't seen her almost all day. Otherwise we would be going back to campus. Now get in the car."

Once on the road Lacie stuck a mixed CD into the player and Zac found himself blaring out of the speakers. "Lacie! Please, I don't want to listen to myself."

"You called me Lena; you owe me." Zac had known this was coming and he knew that she was right.

"Fine." Zac reached forward and turned off the radio. "I'll sing you one song right now; so long as I don't have to listen to me."

"You're not going to listen to you while you sing," Lacie questioned knowing that he had meant listen to a CD of himself.

"No, I'm a professional. We don't have to listen to ourselves. Now a pick a song," he finished quickly so that Lacie couldn't comment.

"All right. Any song I want?"

"Within reason. No 'NSYNC, no Backstreet Boys, no Britney Spears, no Christina Aguilera and nothing with a lot of screaming."

"You take all the fun out of it. Taylor would sing Christina for me." Zac remained quiet to force her into picking a song. "How about some Josh?"

"As in Groban? Yeah, ok, because I've got a voice like that."

Lacie looked mildly disgruntled at Zac's immediate refusal, but then had an idea. "Let's compromise then. Sing 'Downtown Train'." Before Zac could ask what a Rod Stewart song had to do with Josh Groban, Lacie answered his unasked question. "Josh sang it at VH1's Save the Music."

"You're just lucky I know the song." He took a deep breath and began.

"Outside another yellow moon
has punched a hole in the night time mist
I climb through the window and down to the street
I'm shining like a new dime
The downtown trains are full
full of all them Brooklyn girls
They try so hard to break out of their little worlds

You wave your hand and they scatter like crows
They have nothing that'll ever capture your heart
They're just thorns without the rose
Be careful of them in the dark
Oh if I was the one you chose to be your only one
Oh baby can't you hear me now, can't you hear me now

Will I see you tonight on a downtown train
Every night, every night its just the same
On a downtown train"

Lena's face flashed into Zac's mind as he sang the words. He couldn't help but to remember how his heart had skipped a beat when he saw her name on his caller id; or even the feeling in the pit of his stomach that had developed when he had seen her walking with her hair dancing in the wind. He gave them only the briefest bit of attention before he focused back in on the song resolute on his thoughts of Lacie.

"I know your window and I know its late
I know your stairs and your doorway
I walk down your street and past your gate
I stand by the light of the four way
and watch them as they fall, oh baby
They're all having their heart attacks
They stay at the carnival
But they'll never win you back

Will I see you tonight on a downtown train
Every night, every night its just the same
You leave me lonely
Will I see you tonight on a downtown train
All my dreams, all my dreams fall like rain
On a downtown train

Will I see you tonight on a downtown train
Every night, every night its just the same

Will I see you tonight on a downtown train
All my dreams, all my dreams fall like rain
On a downtown train
On a downtown train
All my dreams fall like rain
On a downtown train"

Zac repeated the last line again as they pulled into the parking lot. "God I love that song," Lacie said putting the car in park. "Have I told you lately how hot I find you when you're singing?"

Zac laughed. "Not recently, no."

"Oh, really? Well, then let me show you my appreciation." Lacie leaned over to Zac in the passenger seat and began to kiss him. All of a sudden there was a sharp rapping on Zac's window.

"Would you two get a room?" It was Lena. Zac felt the knot in his stomach return and he turned slightly pink. Why was he acting like this? It wasn't like this was the first time Lena had caught Zac and Lacie making out. Lacie flopped back into her seat and got out of the car as Zac did the same.

"How'd your paper turn out?"

"Pretty good." Lena answered. "How'd you know that I finished it?"

"Please Lena. You never do anything until you've finished your homework. Don't you think I know my own sister?" Zac silently followed the sisters into the small ice cream shop. Zac absentmindedly stared at the menu not really seeing it. He told Lacie to order him whatever. They got their ice creams and sat at one of the few tables in the shop. The girls chatted explaining their days in depth as they ate.

"Zachary Walker!"

"I didn't do it," Zac shouted in response to the sharp call of his name.

"Not yet you haven't." Lacie said. "But you've been awful quiet and that can only mean one thing: you're planning something."

"No, I'm not," he answered truthfully. He continued seamlessly into falsehood. "I was just thinking about a song idea Ike emailed me earlier."

"All right, but if I find out that you're up to something…"

"Lacie, chill. I'm not planning anything." Lacie studied him for a moment. "Are you ready to get out of here," he asked callously giving his untouched ice cream a final stab with the spoon.

Lena and Lacie exchanged concerned glances. "Yeah, sure," Lacie said nodding. "Do you want to drive?"

Zac knew what Lacie was trying to do. She thought that she had made him mad and driving always relaxed him. Zac didn't mind that Lacie knew he was in a mood; he could use the cool down. "Sure." He took the keys from Lacie and headed for the door, dropping his ice cream in the trash.

"Are you going to follow us Lena?"

"Nah, I've got to make a run to Wal-mart. You need anything?"

Zac didn't hear Lacie's response as he shut the door behind him. He wasn't happy. He was angry that he couldn't interpret nor control his emotions. He would have to talk with Ike later. Now that Tay was married his advice on girls didn't seem as relevant.

Sliding into the driver's seat Zac pulled out a CD of a rather unknown indie band. Putting in the shiny disc a small interlude played before the singer's slightly coarse voice flowed singing words that Zac felt like he could have wrote.

I remember falling down when he introduced me.
I always shoot for subtlety but I use the term so loosely.
Everyone was talking to her words from all directions.
So I talked to him instead my only good protection.
Only on her way to leave she stopped to have a word.
I know she said good bye but it's I love you that I heard.
Getting to the telephone I swear it almost killed me.
Nearly coughing blood while saying no it's not too early.
We joked about the party and I know I made her smile .
And then she said her boyfriend too had such a lovely time.
And I don't know why I'm doing what I'm doing.
I'm all right; it's ok. I'm all right now. I don't want you anyway.
I'm all right; it's ok. I'm all right now. I don't want you anyway.
Now we're drinking at the pub and having one too many.
I'm looking at him for a flaw and man I can't find any.
God I feel so guilty for the feelings I'm containing and
Hearing no applause from all the thoughts I'm entertaining.
Heading for the bathroom he says Will you watch her close?
She laughs as he says I just don't trust those other boys.
I don't know why I'm doing what I'm doing.
I'm all right; it's ok. I'm all right now. I don't want you anyway.
I'm all right; it's ok. I'm all right now. I don't want you anyway.
And If I say my heart is breaking now over you what would you do?
And if you saw the pieces falling down right in front of you, oh, what would you do?
I don't know why I'm doing what I'm doing.
I'm all right; it's ok. I'm all right now. I don't want you anyway.
I'm all right; it's ok. I'm all right now. I don't want you anyway.

As the song finished Zac hit the repeat button to keep the song from stopping. He and Lacie were halfway back to campus before she dared to speak. She cautiously turned down the music. "Your voice sounds really good today."

"What do you mean?" Zac read the compliment as a lead in to his behavior of current, but was interested in what she meant exactly.

"Well, you just seem to really feel all of what you're singing. Kind of like you know exactly how the person felt when they wrote it." Zac simply nodded to avoid telling Lacie that he thought he did know how they felt. Lacie waited a few moments before doing what Zac had anticipated.

"Is there something wrong?"

"What do you mean?" It seemed to be the only safe thing Zac could say.

"I mean you just went from being perfectly happy to totally zoned to seemingly infuriated in less than an hour. Not to mention you didn't touch your ice cream." She paused. "Is there something wrong?"

He took a deep breath thinking about his words. "No. I just need to sort some stuff out in my head. I'll call Ike later." He turned the music up over her offerings of help signaling the end of the conversation.