I can't even pretend I know

What I'm talking about. What I

Pretend to know, I won't pretend.

-

There's something wrong

Beneath the surface. Something

Just waiting. Locked up behind bars

That are just bending, stretchinga little more

Each day. I'm going to fake it

Just a little. Just a little,

-

I swear it.

-

But really. I can't even begin to

Explain it. This tension building

Up. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know.

-

So I'll keep on going. Keep on

Keeping on. I'll be one of those pseudo

Intellectuals minus the fucking glasses. Counterfeit,

Imitation. I swear I'm the

Real thing. I swear it.

-

I swear it.

-

Please. Oh god please tell me what is

Wrong. I swear I'll be real good and I'll

Do everything I ought to and I'll pray

Every night and I'll stay away from alcohol.

I swear it. (Have you found Jesus yet?)

-

I would do all that but I just can't. Can't

Even begin to pretend. Even when I've tried to

Pray I can't help but think of how entirely

Bullshit it all is and how I can't stop myself

From sinning. Why try?

-

Why try, why try. I can't even begin to try.

-

There's something wrong with me. This

Isn't the way it's supposed to be. I'm supposed

To feel like the world is my oyster. Big bouncy

Curls will sure as hell help me in the real world

And of course they'll help me get a job and of

Course they'll find me a lovely man and

Happiness. Of course.

-

Of course.

-

I don't want it to be like this. I hate sounding

Like some depressed teenager with too much

Time on her hands. I can't help but hate it all.

I hate you. Of course. Of course I do.

-

Simulated, counterfeit. I'd like to think

I'm something special but I can't

I'd like to think I'm superior. Actually

Most of the time I do. Of course. Of

Course.

-

But I don't know. This is nothing,

Why are you still reading this.

This means nothing because

I don't know. I don't know anything

Anymore. I swear it.

-

I swear it.