As I think back to the past, I can hear music playing. I can feel it emanate throughout my very soul, into my blood, into my veins, and finally into my heart. Every time a new memory flashes into my mind, I can feel a cold pain send shivers down my spine; a pain like no other…of love, of hate, betrayal, and everything in between. I sit in this cold, desolate, worn down house and I can still smell your almost intoxicating scent still floating on the air. I can feel your presence here for a fleeting moment, before you vanish through my grasp, just as you did before. 'Where are you?' I ask, to no one but I, as the night air whispers the sad story of two lovers who lost everything in just a fleeting glance.
The moon light shines down placidly on me, as a lone tear drop streaks my pale complexion. I look to the sky for answers, and unsatisfied, I look away. The depths of night hold no truth, no compassion, no sorrow, and no pity for me in their darkness. I feel betrayed, surely something as dark and lonesome as me, would hold but one answer? The music in my head progresses, changes. A lone singer's voice and an acoustic guitar begin to sing to the sadness of my soul. Their words soothe my nerves; ease the pain that has settled to my heart. But I can still see your eyes. First reflecting blue skies, and green pastures…And the music changes again. The sky turns dark, it's reflected in your eyes.
As you silently betray me I can see the change, some emotion I cannot decipher. Some emotion I do not wish to decipher. Maybe you are still here. I feel you, as if you are not just another part of my memory. Your words still lingering on my lips, you swore to be with me forever. I still have your memory, your still here. I cherish every memory you gave me, I cling to it tightly in fear it will vanish. I can still feel your breathe on my neck, on my face, I can still feel you touch my cheek. I can still feel you, but you are not here. 'Where are you?' I ask again, voice but barely a whisper. The bracelet you gave to me still glimmers on my thinning wrist. I have not been the same since you have been gone. Whether it was my fault, or yours, you are a part of my past that I dearly regret losing. This whole house seems to have felt the effects of your leaving. The grass no longer grows, and leaves but a dusty remnant of the life that once filled it. Even this dust shows no will, picked up by the faint wind, and tossed about carelessly; it has no regard for its own being.
The paint on the walls fades and peels, as if to uncover memories of before you came that were buried with new memories of you. They scream at me, invade my mind, until my thoughts become scattered and useless. They attack my consciousness, until my world slowly begins to fade into sweet nothing. Bitter silence that screams to me, nearly shattering my ear drums. Darkness ebbs at the frayed edges of my life; slowly washing them away like the tide washes the sand, into something greater than it could ever be. I am only a miniscule part of the world, and you were too, but together we could have been something great, something amazing, something words could not even touch, feel, describe, embody. But you let the tide wash you away. You let go too soon. You gave up on everything we had. This great love story, turned tragedy. Now I'm here by myself, or maybe not, I still have a ghost of your memory left to comfort me, but even bitter silence, can save me now. As I walk from this house…my feet carry me down a path my mind knows all to well. I stop at the gates that keep me away from you, they were always there. I was never allowed in. I want to know, why. Why?
I was always there for you; maybe you could not see it. Maybe the pain had you too distracted for you to realize I only wanted to help you. As I walk down the sidewalk in front of the cemetery that holds you, more than you let me hold you; my cold fingers numbly trace the lines on the gates. Why was I always on the outside? Why could I not save you?
I sink slowly to the ground, consciousness still evading me. All is black; the night is coming even faster now, light fleeting in fear of the approaching darkness. How many days have passed?...I cannot be sure anymore. It feels like it has been eternity. Beyond the gates that keep me out, a shallow blue hue engulfs all, but your grave shines so bright. The flowers there, the most beautiful I have ever seen. Reds and Blues and Yellows adorn the ground above you. So bright and full of life. Suddenly I can see your face again, smiling, laughing…happy. What happened? What the hell happened? Part of me wants to climb over the damned gates keeping me out. Part of me remembers the cold look in your lifeless eyes. You know, they say anyone who dies with their eyes open…never deserved to die. You did not. You did not deserve to die. You should still be here, with me; where you belong. I need you. Dear God, I still need you.
Why did you let go?