It was so cold. I guess it's always cold around here. The wind is cruel that way. The streets, so grey, so lifeless, like winter itself stole the life from this earth. The world was dead. Even the snow was nothing but dirt and grey slush. The brittle air swept threw my bones and shattered my lungs as it froze solid in my veins. Why was I out, observing such a bitter night? I was walking. Walking on a road with no direction nor did it have an end. I was simply walking. Walking away from life, my past and all the confusion that swam through my mind like a puddle thick with mud. I had to get away from it all. I had to escape like the winds howling down the empty streets.
My heart and mind were torn to pieces, ruled with an iron fist by confusion. It was agony. There is no shelter for the internal storm nor calm for the turbulence of the mind. I paced like a madwoman for what else could I do? I was being driven by some unknown force, fueled by a power unbeknownst surely to whatever possessed my soul. It ate me away, inside out. I should have been happy, Goddess knows I should have been content but I was dying. Love was supposed to take away all the pain, but it didn't. Still I felt, hurt, angry and cold. He held my heart, but I wanted more.
Off I fled into the night, seeking only what refuge the stars and bitter winds offered. Each pounding footstep demanded yet another beat from my shattered heart. Each sharp intake of breath require more of my lungs then they were prepared to give under the strain of the giant weight on my chest. I could feel my body scream and protest against me but on I raced into the darkness. Moonlight bathed my weathered features as I howled out my anguish and scream into that dark velvet sky. I wanted my vocal chords to explode so I would be mute and no hurtful words could escape my mouth such as the ones that had tortured me so. I wanted to throw myself at something, anything, just to dull this pain for a minute, a second. I clasped my clenched fists to my breast and collapsed, my legs could hold this burden no longer.
Yet my broken flesh never hit the ground. I did not crumble into a helpless heap of bones and sinew. I froze in midair, suspended by mystery's arms. Gently, as if by the grace of an angel I was back on my feet. Warm hands held my arms, warm flesh, warm blood coursing through the veins. From behind the veil of silky black hair, gently caressing every contour of my face, all I could see was sky blue eyes and suddenly I was drowning. Those eyes were like none I had ever seen before. No colour on any wheel or pallet could compare. All natural beauty dulled in equivalence. No words flowed from my lips, not even a sound. I stood dumb founded, staring at this blue eyed angel. Eyes so beautiful, eyes so sad. Those angel eyes swam in a pool of diamond tears bringing the blue to the most impossibly vibrant hue and making it even more hopeless to look elsewhere.
I had thought my heart was broken before but after seeing those eyes bathed in tears, how could anyone's heart not crumble to dust? A thousand years of sadness spilled in each crystal droplet lined with silver moonlight and sparking with stardust. Who was this stranger shining in such celestial light yet shrouded with such darkness? A cloak of occult wonder embraced his nimble frame, who walked as if he was the wind itself, moving and flowing anywhere and everywhere at will. The atmosphere was drawn to him, hypnotized and humming with his strange, beautiful song. The air swayed in tune with him.
An outstretched hand of unnatural grace danced to his alabaster cheek. Slowly, gently, moving along the velvet skin to brush away the lake of pearls spilling from sapphire oceans. Caught up in the beauty of the moment, I was swept away by the aura of his ballet. For once in my life I felt beautiful, tangled in his dream like web that swept me away from the stage wings to the spotlight.
"Don't cry." Soft words to soften a strangers heart. Trembling fingers danced through wet satin lashes.
Laughter like silver bells rang clear and true through the hollow streets. But not out of joy, the sound that should have been all smiles, weighed heavy, drenched in tears. The natural orchestra of midnight played its relentless opus of jaded heartbreak. It's strings wailed through green grasses that silenced even the cricket's lullabies.
Torment welled in the back of my throat, my breathe caught and trapped within my lungs. New thoughts flooded my mind, heart and soul. My skull was no longer to be a trunk, a memory chest of selfishness. No, how could it be when this man's diary written in the blue ink of his eyes was in my hands, soaking my skin with earnest heartbreak and a life long load of grief. Longing, it was written all over his worn features, bandaging old callouses with a less painful poultice. A sad smile danced it's way across his shadowed lips, the colour of rose buds in the spring. The colour of hope and new life. My fingers ached to touch that hope. To feel it glide across my skin and drink in its heavenly texture.
"I may cry." he whispered as his velvet music caressed my ears. "I am not afraid to die."
His eyes read sincere. His heart, more broken then mine own beat in his painted pupils surrounded by that sea of unearthly blues. His eyes radiated enough heat to touch every part of me and surround me, envelope me in a soft blue blanket of safe haven. Marble fingers, smooth and cold, slid over my dry, brown paper lips. At his touch, I came alive, my skin crawled with his power. Such a sweet serenity, feeling its way into my blood stream, into my very essence of life.
What is there to say to one who sadness crashes upon each lonely shore in great angry rushes? What consolation is there in empty, hollow words and broken promises? How could I fight away such sorrow and bare light to such a darkened realm? I reach out for him. Commanding all that was within me to give to this unhappy stranger. To take him into my arms and give him but a moment's refuge from the storm that ripped through his tattered sails.
"A kiss to you beautiful girl. I am sick and not afraid to die but thank you nice girl." Sweeping the tangled rope of satin from my eyes he touched me cheek.
"No angel." I was taken aback. " I say don't cry because you have beautiful eyes and you cannot see them clearly for the tears that gather there."
"Then forgive me." he murmured. "I thought you knew. Forgive me."
I caught his soft hand in mine as it fell away from the heat of my body.
"Nothing to ask forgiveness for. I did not know. All I ask is that you smile for me angel."
His smile was like a falling star, brilliant yet so short lived. Had I blinked, I would have missed his magic. Stardust fell from his mouth as his smile receded. Enchantment was the very air he breathed.
"I am sorry. My English is bad but tell me your name beautiful."
"Cairine. I am called Cairine."
And with that his song began.
Slow and shy at first, building into a grand climax of overwhelming emotion. Overflowing the fountains of the heart with words so clear, so pure they glistened like drew drops in a spider's web. With each breath he wove little pieces of his heart, beading them with a skilled tongue into the tapestry of his poem. Oh how I longed to soar with his music guiding my wings. Each beautiful word edged my heart towards flight and lifted me further from the safe grounds of reality. This beautiful angel mask in mystery, this dark stranger with a broken heart who desperately wanted to love once again. His poetry wove to life the gilded key to his heart and entrusted it into my foreign keep. So earnest was his longing, so searing the pain locket behind heavy metal gates.
"It's beautiful." I forced the words, choking on the wonderment that coated my throat. "That's the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me."
"You're happy princess?" Puppy eyes yearned entirely for approval.
"Then I am happy too. I kiss your heart."
"And I hold yours." I whispered.
What an enchanter who could conjure tears from one who had forgotten what it was to cry. Who could melt the hearts that had turned to stone. So close to me, to my heart, yet in his eyes I knew, we were far apart. Ill fated love had already set its poisonous roots into the barren fields of my heart. A heart that I had freely given to another. A love that could never be allowed to bloom and flower to the world. A touch between two worlds that could never materialize. A star crossed path, to be short lived and painful.
He sang to me. Our voices climbing to impossible heights amongst the stars, intertwined with one another's melody. I sang back to him. Music to the rhythm of our beating hearts combined and backed by the universe's chorus. Beautiful words danced to beautiful harmonies that angels rejoiced to. Oh, what a night when all the world came alive for two people alone and oblivious to all other existence. My heart beat like a tribal drum, its vibrations radiated from my centre, flowing into his aura and doubling in intensity. His heart echoed mine, racing through time and space on imaginary wings. This dance could have lived on for all eternity but as all life does, so it died. A realization of what could never be.
I wanted to cover his mouth with mine. Let my essence flow from my body to his in a whirlwind of lips and unspoken words. I wanted to take him in my arms and allow two worlds to melt into one but I couldn't. We couldn't. I stepped back. My emotions reflected in his understanding eyes. He drew me into a friendly, warm embrace. The air around us was pulsing and beating with our slowing hearts.
"I go now pretty little angel." he whispered.
"No!" I grabbed his hand. "Please don't go."
"I am not afraid to die anymore. If all the angels in paradise are like you there is not place I would rather be. Go back to your man. Let him hold you and let me go. Let me die thinking your beauty and holding your memory."
Hot tears ran sprung from my eyes. Each droplet running its course over rose petal cheek to meet velvet lips.
"Goodbye angel." I murmured. "Watch over me."
"I will hold you in paradise."
Then he was gone. As suddenly as he appeared, so he waltzed away. I felt his presence on the wind and I smiled. I felt his peace, could feel his smile easing its way into my heart like breath into dying lungs. Somewhere out there an angel was smiling down on me. Holding me close to his pure heart of gold. I turned on the path that had previously had no direction and say my way perfectly clear. The confusion in my mind melted away like the winter snows under the smiling spring sunshine. My heart was open again. I could love, I could laugh. This angel had brought life back into this corpse dancing on forced strings. I had choice. I had direction. I had life. Somewhere, far away, an angel smiled back at me.