renewing the old feelings

now i'm back to feeling empty, numb, broken and
lonely because even through the smiles and the
laughter, i have the same feelings crawling away
at my damaged (& shattered) heart. though i can't
bear this town (because everywhere i look, i see
memories of what we used to be), i can't bear to
leave it (and everything that hurt me so much pulls
at my heart, wanting me to stay). but even with this
blood (tears & vomit), you waited so long to let me
know how you feel (even though i didn't see it from
you, i learned everything from her). the words that
you (never) told me are the ones that hurt the most
(although the lies and worthless promises first made me
bleed). but now i'm willing to listen, standing on legs
that carry sore cuts on thighs. and i promise this won't
hurt as much as you (may) think it will because it's
what i've waited to hear. and it hurts so much (don't
you know?) that she was the one to tell me that you
simply want(ed) to forget (& put this behind you like
nothing happened but i just can't do that when such
painful words made cuts on my wrists). it's not that i
haven't tried at all but i'm here now, wanting to drink
in everything that you desperately need to say (like the
three simple words that are ((oh-so obviously)) caught in
your throat). but this is (was?) me, trying to tell you what
i want(ed) you to know but instead of you, i got her (and the
way she wants us to fix things like nothing ever happened)
because she said that it hurts her to know that we are (silently)
fighting at something like this (she doesn't want me to bleed)
but this doesn't involve her (though cuts were made because
of her and the way she stole you away without a single
thought about how i would feel). and i see now how much
of a coward you are because after everything i have (am) done
(doing) one glance back at me (the bleeding girl with acid
tears) isn't enough to help you say that you are sorry.

March 4, 2006

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author's note: sorry i haven't posted anything in a while. i just haven't had inspiration to even write & when i do, it's just crap on paper so i end up throwing it away. i'm half & half with this one. it was intended to be shorter but i felt like i needed to carry it on. i like the first half but the ending and such is just shit. maybe you guys don't think so much but i don't know.