toxicity

and I am such an addict

it's making me nostalgic; memories of when
I inhaled your toxicity and spit out your sin
drinking down the glycerin glimmer of your smile

we both overdosed on its acidity – failed chemistry
scorching split synapses, the message
lost beneath an erratic pulse. maybe one or
both of us forgot that
this is wrong
(forbidden)
acids and bases neutralizing the possibility of
spontaneous combustion

they say that opposites attract—

I say that both of us ignored the laws of science
and made something into nothing
an unequal and unpredictable reaction that can't
explain or be explained

(and I still can't let you go)

don't pretend you understand my fixation
your false modesty tripping through my veins
condescension coalescing and condensing on my skin
that sticky, steamy sheen of sweat – a heartless murmur
against my throat when you tell me
I need to trust someone (I hope you don't mean
you)
right before you break my heart. I

remember that I quit (you) once. the
withdrawal burned like hypothermia and heat,
one too soon after the other, an overload of sensory
damage – I slid back into my addiction,
intravenous injections in the darkness
just to numb the pain

I wish you wouldn't up the dosage, charm soaking
through the permeable membrane of my skin and
Ican'tkeepyououtofmyhead
(where I want you). the downward spiral makes
me dizzy, vertigo just another excuse – I hate that

(and) I'm still such an addict


Unsure about the formatting, the mixing of themes, and just about everything else (I hate putting my heart on the line). Criticism welcome.

-K