my heart speaks softer

my mouth wants to speak words that my heart isn't ready to say.
i hate the way the simple i'm sorry's are caught in my throat
(when i don't even have anything to be sorry for) and it reminds
me of the times when i found myself in the school bathroom
stall, choking back tears and not wanting to say the words that i
knew were (are) true (you have changed). and i wasn't prepared
for how much it would hurt (like barbed wire thorns scratching
against broken flesh) but i seem to still drink in the words you
(never) say (& you told her that you want to forget) like the way i
(obliviously) drank in the lies and (soon to have been) broken promises.
and as hands wanted to rip off skin, i want(ed) to rip out your heart
for treating me like this (& acting without a care in the world). they
say that silence is golden but (when it comes to me) it's simply not
that because (your) silence is crimson (like the blood that drips from
newly made scars opening). and i never thought we would let it get this
far but i'm trying to accept the facts that are being thrown in my face
(could i scream them in yours?). and i thought i was the weak one (just
look at how i bleed for you) but i had the strength to tell you what
makes me rot inside. i thought that you would care enough to see
me through this but i see now that i never meant a thing to you.

March 12, 2006