the things i can't erase

the one thing that i can't erase (no matter how hard
i try or how much i want to) are the memories of
you and me and what we used to be. and i can
remember the times we spent, house to house, time
with each other without a care in the world and
i want so much for it to be like that again (though
not with you) but i can't be the same girl again
because scars dance across the once clean wrists
and this heart is tampered with hate, guilt, regret
(and the other feelings you left me with). although
this may be easy for you (you make it seem so), it
hurts to let go of the friend i called the best in all the
years i have had then but if i had known that acid
words would leave me with scarred skin, i would have
never befriended someone like you (but i didn't see
any of this coming so should i hate this as much as i do
now?). because it was (is) you that made (makes) me
feel so worthless and unloved (un-beautiful and hated)
due to the scars (i carelessly draw) across my wrists
(someone breathe new life into me) and the way my
clothes don't fit. and in the midst of all this, i'm sorry for
whatever i did(n't do) wrong (because you need me to
be sorry for something just so you can admit the wrongs
i've already (silently) screamed in your face.

March 13, 2006