I rubbed my eyes and clutched my coat around my wrinkled clothes as we stepping out into the damp, foggy morning. Imprints of my friend's living room floor and the quilt I had shared with the boy next to me were fresh and red on my arms. He shut the door behind us, looking just as groggy as I felt. I carefully made my way down the steps of the front porch, my joints still adjusting to the new positions they were being forced to move in. Five minutes to home, to my own bed, to somewhere familiar and yet strangely lonely.

You left in the morning
You left without a word
Did you get what you came for?
Is this what I deserve?

We parted awkwardly, with barely a goodbye, and I returned home with only racing thoughts to keep me company. One look at my own bed only reminded me of the hours spent passed out on the living room floor barely aware of a person next to me until I had sobered up from the night before. Waking up inches from his face, brown to blue eyes, then back to sleep without second thoughts. Then awakened again as the hangover set in and the light got too bright; eyes, a sheepish, sleepy smile and then back to dreams. A quilt decorated with pandas and trees, a gray morning sky blanket, and a warm body were enough to lull me back to sleep time after time until the house began to wake up. And then back to reality, where the gray morning sky was cold and the warm body was speechless and the pandas were folded up on the couch where they belonged.

Oh I know
The silence was the loudest thing
I've ever heard
Where do we stand?
What am I supposed to do?
Give me the clearest indication
I'm not alone with you

Almost strangers except for the hours spent getting to know each other during rehearsals and afterwards. Trying to make sense of how this changes everything, feeling guilty about sleeping, and dreading the friendly teasing from the girls.

Reach out your hand
In a world I thought I knew
I need the clearest indication
The clearest indication from you

Avoiding conversation to avoid a let down. Wanting to go back in time, but not wanting it to be a mistake. Hugging a pillow to replace the body and mindless television to replace the doubt. Friends are already asking what happened, what it means, and sending pictures of the evidence. I can't help but smile and save them. My roommate wakes up and starts to ask questions. I pull the blanket up to my chin and nonchalantly joke about it.

Did we have all we wanted
And let it slip away in time?
Like a country divided
51 to 49.

Wake up later and find the computer covered in messages from everyone but him. What happened? What's going on? All these questions and I only have so many answers to give. I can't answer my own questions, much less everyone else's. No phone call, no messages, no emails. Did I just do something horrible? The friendship I was so thrilled to have was disappearing like the fog into the blue sky. Back to the couch and my blanket to wonder, not wanting to face the morning after crowd.

Years ago
I suppose we just can't seem to make up our minds
Where do we stand?
What am I supposed to do?
Give me the clearest indication I'm not alone with you
Reach out your hand
In a world I thought I knew
I need the clearest indication
The clearest indication from you

A shower and some food, then some work and still no message. Then late into the night a knock on my door breaks the monotonous whirring of the fan and the mute television. The same blue eyes that looked at me that morning are on the other side of the door and he greets me with a smile. I grab a jacket and shoes and we wander outside under the dim moon and into the damp air. We start talking like we always do and my worries start to fade, replace by something vaguely resembling disappointment. I laugh along with him but an unnatural tension hangs over us.

Oh times like these it's hard to see
With any kind of clarity
What's the point of wondering anymore?
So much I just can't figure out
I'd love to know without a doubt
For sure, for sure
Where do we stand?
What am I supposed to do?
Give me the clearest indication I'm not alone with you

Finally he breaks the silence. "Are you okay with last night?" It's the hardest question anyone has asked me all day. I decide on the honest truth and tell him yes with a smile.

"Are you?" I ask, trying not to hold my breath as I wait for the answer.

"Yeah."

A shy glance much like one exchanged that morning follows.

Blue meets brown.

And then the clearest indication.

Reach out your hand
In a world I thought I knew
I need the clearest indication
The clearest indication from you
From you.