I'll probably look back on this in years to come and laugh. You were my unicorn. From the word go, we got on like a house on fire. You just got me and I loved the comfort of our friendship. It grew quickly, as did my trust in you, and before I knew it, I was telling you things I'd never told anyone else. You became my confidante, my rock through rough times, my source of amusement when I was down.
A part of me always wondered what if there was something more between us?
Would it be as great as our friendship was? Or would it be awkward and end bitterly? But then there was you, telling me over and over again that it would never be. You couldn't commit and weren't looking to do so either. So I swallowed it and vowed never to tell you how I truly felt.
And yet I wondered: weren't you inadvertently committed to me, to our friendship this whole time? You were the one who always picked up the phone to call first, just to say hello and ask how my day was. You made the countless trips up here to see me. You made the effort to get to know my friends. I never pushed you into anything because I knew you would run away the minute I did. Didn't that say anything about commitment to you?
I liked to think it wasn't just all in my head either. People saw the chemistry between us and questioned if there was anything more going on. They saw pictures of us and thought we looked so good together. In that cosmetics store that day, a perfect stranger picked up on it and suggested you buy me something nice.I played along to wind you up but also searched for any indication from you that this might have been a possibilty for us some day.
When I hooked up with him, you told me to go for it. You asked for all the details the next day. I bet you didn't know that secretly, with every move he made I'd compared him to you. The poor dude never stood a chance. He was never intelligent enough or funny enough. He just didn't get me the way you did. I dated him for a month before realising I was just wasting my time with the wrong man.
Somehow we changed after that and I'll never be certain of when that exact moment was. You became more than just a friend and all the feelings I'd smothered those months ago flooded back. At night, I curled against your frame, marvelling at how comfortable it felt. You said that it surprised you too. The progression between us felt natural to you. And yet, despite the sweet nothings you whispered in my ear, you still held that we'd never be anything more. There would never be a relationship, you wouldn't commit.
So where does that leave us? You can't pretend that we are still simply just friends after everything that has happened. Perhaps it meant nothing to you but it has started to mess with my head. I caught myself last night, unable to sleep because I missed having you there with me, feeling the warmth of your skin against mine. I am letting my feelings take over and growing far more attached than I'd like.
I don't want to get hurt. But I don't want to lose you either.
I guess you will just always be my unicorn: the relationship that never was but one that I will always aspire to and wonder 'what if?' They say some of the best relationships are those between close friends. I guess I'll just never know.