My White Horse

My name is Tadeo, people call Tad. I don't really mind this, I'm surprised the people I know even remember my nickname. Though they come, everyday like clockwork. They come when no-one is looking, and they come when they are upset. I take the money freely from them, no, it's no problem for me. You want to ask what I do? I'll answer, I make people happy.

I'm 21 years old and make around five to six hundred pounds a night without even leaving my living room. I live alone. My mother and father never visited and I never went to them. My brother wishes not to speak to me, so I make no contact with him… No, I stay in my little flat and watch the world go by, until night comes, that's when people enter my home.

"Tad, you got something for me, mate?" asks another male around my age. This boys name is Matthew. A pale man… a friend of mine for three years nearly. Well, a friend every Sunday night at around 6pm.

I stumble to him and pull from my pocket a small plastic bag. "One hundred notes…" I say as he quickly reaches for his pocket. My dim eyes look over his, but hold little pity for him. In fact, I felt hate, how could he let me sell him this? Or was it my fault for selling it to him? Was I killing my friend? … I don't think so, he was here after all.

"Here." he said, holding a reel of ten pound notes to me. I took them and handed over the small plastic bag. "Oh, Tad, I've been wanting a fix all day." he sighed and held the bag of white powder to him closely. "Go about to go out?"

"No, not until work tomorrow." I answer.

"Work? Why work when you have this money?" he asked me.

"To make people think I do work. They might start to think something if I stay here all day and still make money."

"Good point… Well, I have to be going…" Matthew said. He was gone within a few moments, and I was left alone once again to sit within the walls of my home. Alone, yes… always. Friends come for no less than ten minutes, but they are gone soon after I had them a plastic bag of death. Heroin, Cocaine, Speed, Cannabis, Ecstasy… you name it, I'll get you your poison.

My drug was the white horse Heroin. This beast rode me to a happy place, though I knew one day that it would ride me to Hell. Still, I loved it, Heroin, my beauty, my only true friend. The white powder loved me, I'm sure of it… Dear Heroin killed my pain and saved me from the depressing days and nights.

I had tried many drugs. I started smoking at age fifteen. When I was sixteen, I had taken many other things. I had been stuck on cocaine, until my white horse took me and, there I had stayed with her.

Loneliness was often killed with another fix, but my breathing was low, and although I wasn't to ride the white horse again, I didn't. I waited until the night was over. Six other people had been since Matthew had came. The time was just about two in the morning, I couldn't wait any longer. I went to my living room and knelt to the table. Soon making a line of Heroin on the table. I snored it.

That was it for the next three hours, I had slipped into Heaven. Everything was perfect and I didn't have anything to worry about at all as I sunk in the sofa. I can't remember about my eyes, they seemed to flicker a few times, or roll back, but, I had no pains, my depression. A wonderful life, though my breathing became shallow. I fell into a deep sleep. My hands went lifelessly to the sofa and there I lay…

It was ten in the morning when I woke and I felt sick. Groaning as I sat up, I pulled myself to my feet and entered the bathroom, where I was sick in the toilet after falling to my knees, dizzy, yet knew where I was. My hands twitched. It wasn't long before I caught sight of the time when I entered into the bedroom and sat down on the dirty sheets in the dark room.

I looked to the bedside alarm cloak and sighed when it showed I was late for work, "… Ten past ten. Another late day… just by an hour though." I told myself and moved around the room, getting changed. Getting changed in a uniform was slightly hard, I tried so hard to make it look smart, even if it was only to work in a supermarket: Tesco's. I really did try and keep that blue with checkers ironed and clean. The black trousers were pretty easy to keep clean, but I really did need a belt to hold them up. It was clear I was underweight when I was in these clothes that didn't hung off of my like my normal clothes.

I left the house at about ten forty-five. An hour and forty-five minutes late for the job that I'd only had for a month and a half. Walking along the dirty streets, I lightly kicked cans. Pages of a left newspaper blew around my feet before passing and making it's way to the roads. I used to have a car, but it was taken away after I crashed into the street lamp. Luckily I didn't have any drugs on me. The reason why I had crashed was just because I was tired, I had fallen asleep at the wheel. My mum and dad had been phoned. My dad had my car taken away. He always liked to think he was in charge. I didn't like this, to be in his control. My mum stayed over that night. I can't tell you how hard it was to keep her at my side and not find any of my drugs around.

When arriving at work, I went right to the staff room for a coffee, my eyes felt like that were about to close, it was horrible. My hands shook as I pulled out some coins from the small black pocket of my black trousers. I needed fifty pence for the coffee machine. But the coins blurred for a moment. Time seemed to go still as I stared down at my hands and my breathing became low.

"Tadeo?" a females voice sprung my eyes up. "Are you okay?" she asked. This was Alice. She had helped me get the job. She had been my friend at school. Her brown hair was pulled back smartly. She was a clever twenty year old woman that could do far more with her life than work in Tesco's.

"Yeah… Okay." I said and pulled a fake smile. "Yeah, just had a late night…"

"Again?" she asked. Her green eyes filled with worry. "Tadeo, has something been happening at home? You keep turning up late… You don't look well, since you have worked here, I've watched you go quieter and quieter… Max said you were down isle three on Friday, stroking the teddy bears."

"Oh… Oh, no…" I say and shake my head. I had been looking at the early valentine stock that wasn't until three weeks.

"What were you doing?" she asked softly and turned me to face her. "… I'm worried about you, Tadeo… It's not a nice feeling to worry about a friend."

"It's okay. It… it is…" I told her and sighed a little, shaking my head. She felt worried about me? This was a odd feeling inside my chest… She cared and it made my smile. "It's okay, I'm good." I told her, my eyes looked to my coins again. Two silver small kind of coins, yes, twenties and the round silver coin, ten pence… I had fifty pence and after taking those coins out and holding them, I put the other coins in my pocket. Then had the hard job of trying to get the three coins in the little slot. This was hard…

"Here…" Alice said quietly and helped me, her hand on mine made me smile. The warmth of her hand on my cold hand made me stand still. Alice pressed the buttons for me. Soon, I had coffee.

"Thank you." I whispered, taking the plastic cup. I sat myself down at one of the white tables.

Alice smiled a little and walked to me, she knelt down a little. "… Tadeo, if there was something wrong, you would tell me, wouldn't you?" she asked and put a hand on my arm.

Well, I didn't know what to tell her… I nodded to her and she smiled and left me to sit alone and enjoy my coffee. I wished the manager wouldn't find out about me being late. I thought about telling Alice about the drugs… but, did I really want to stop, when I could slip into Heaven whenever I wanted?

I don't know… my white horse was beautiful… could I put her to sleep?

(A/N:: Next Chapter up soon.)