"I love you,"

This is said to me so many times. It makes me wonder how true it is. Love seems like a frivolous thing

"I love you, Mom."

"I love you, Dad."

"I love you," As in a relationship. Yeah, I've been in more than just one relationship.

There is also the "Oh, my God! I love you!" The leap, glomp (the overly excessive, energetic hug resulting in the receiver falling over with you on top. Not in a sexual manner!), cling "I love you."

The "I so love you in a totally brotherly/sisterly Christian non-sexually way!" I think that one speaks for itself…

The casual ones; being dropped off at home by my best friend "I love you," as in have a goodnight, stay safe. "I love you," as in a goodbye, hope to see you again.

But is there something more to this phrase? "I love you."

What is so special about love? Yes, I've felt many different types of love. Even the bitter, angry, sarcastic "I love you." Of course the "Not!" was added a few seconds later. But this was easily brushed aside with a simple "I loathe you." Strange thing was, there was no reply after that. I think he didn't know what 'loathe' meant, so I got a crack out of the supposedly harsh "I love you."

But does one really mean it when they say it? It confuses me. Hell, a lot of things confuse me, like why my friends have to keep hurting themselves by not doing anything to get better. And they say they love me. How can they when they don't love themselves? Is someone capable of love when they can't love themselves?

I don't know the answer because I'm still searching for it myself. I hate myself. Does that mean I'm incapable of 'love'?

How can something so simple have such an effect? Tell someone you love him or her and they seem to brighten. Their lips turn upwards in either a big smile or even a small shy one.

I am just being stupid thinking these things? Or do they have some point to them?

I've seen love on so many different scales. Sometimes the scale is so messed up that you can't even tell if it really is love that is being shown or hate. Why do people put themselves through that kind of shit? If they hurt you, leave them, stop saying that they "love" you because it's obvious that they don't when they're fucking beating the shit out of you. Controlling just to feel important. It's your damn fault if you end up worse than you already are.

I guess when I get right to it; I hate loving and I love hating. I'm a fucking paradox.

Yet… I still find myself smiling when someone says, "I love you." Or maybe they don't quite say it like that; sometimes it's the "I 3 you." "I less-than-three you." "I heart you."

Back to my first question, or was it the second one? The one where I ask "is there something more to the phrase." I guess the answer is yes. A plain and simple 'yes'. Ja. Hai. Yeah. Si. And whatever language there is left out there (quite a few). But even though it is a simple yes, there is still something different for everyone that feels 'love'.

Next question. You can't really tell if they really mean it. Trust, I believe is the word I'm looking for. Trust. Ha. What a liability.

Finally, how can something so simple be so special? I guess everyone wants to hear these words, even those who feel they can go on without feeling anything, but I think when someone tells them that, their heart might take an extra beat. We are told that love is a special thing, so when someone says it I guess we just take their word for it. That is, the person who told us that love is special. Whoever that might be.

Maybe I'm not being stupid thinking these things. There are probably hundreds of people thinking the same thing. Still, I feel stupid.

So what did I learn through this brainstorm? "I love you" is a simple saying that makes you feel stupid, able to take on the world, strong, accepted, weak, mushy, suffocated, hurt, adoration, confusion, sometimes bitterness and sarcasm, hate, special, trusted, other adjectives I don't feel like listing, but last of all, it makes you feel loved. Like there is someone who cares for you. Whether that caring be as a friend, companion, lover even, parent/child, it's still there.

I hate loving but I love hating. But I love caring more.

So whether you are a friend, a family member, a boyfriend/girlfriend, know this…

"I love you."


A/N: "Well, this is just some mindless rambling that I just happened to write. It's my in depth veiw of the phrase 'I love you'. I'll probably add more chapters to this going through different phrases people use in life. Consider it a essay about life."