Knock, knock. 'No one's home.'
Knock, knock. 'No one's fucking home!'
Couldn't you see it in my eyes? The sad way they looked at you while my face betrayed me and smiled? Couldn't you see it? I'm so afraid. So fucking afraid. Hold me here, hold me…tell me it will all be ok, I'll believe you if you say it. Lie to me, tell me bitter sweet little lies, I'll eat them out of the palm of your hand. I'm begging you now, lie to me! Just tell me it's all going to be okay. Tell me it's better off this way.
Tell me lies, tell me bitter sweet lies. I beg you.
Make me understand just one thing in my life. Explain it to me. Open up to me. Help me. Help me. Why won't you help me understand? Take me in your arms and make me feel safe again, I'm begging you. I'm so afraid that this world is going to kill me. Never listen to the voice in your head egging you on. Jump, jump…they don't love you anyway. Jump. JUMP! Please help me. Why won't you help me?
If its guilt, I understand. If its regret, I will help you. If its pain, I will be here for you. Help me. I see you walking there as you so casually and gracefully bump into me. And yes I saw your hands go down, ready to grab me around my waist and catch me if I fell. Are you still so sure that you meant what you said? And yes I find it quite endearing that you can laugh at me, and I can laugh at you for laughing and you will laugh because I did. I find it quite endearing, the way you're always watching my back. I find it quite endearing. I find you quite endearing.
Are you still sure that you meant what you said?
Yea, experience is just a pleasanter way of saying mistakes. No one ever admits they made a mistake. I made a mistake. I need you. Oh hell, I need you…do you not understand that? Can you not see it in my eyes, the way I'm a little more alive when I'm walking beside you? Can't you see it? Please tell me you can see it.
Because experience is just another fake word to use instead of mistake.
My actions lose their meanings but my words gain more power. If you were to listen hard enough you could here, I'm not the person I used to be. I'm not the one you said you loved. Is that why you don't love me anymore, because I've changed? Why don't you tell me you love me anymore? We may not be together, or the best of friends, but this awkward silence breaks my heart. Maybe you cant see it. Maybe. Don't let me go, I need you to survive. The walls tell secrets and the shadows play tricks, the carpet crawls, and the basement tries to take me away. This old house wants me dead, but you could change that. You could hold me until I fell asleep. You could make me feel secure. You could stop my skin from crawling in fear, terror, disgust. You could.
Please, just hold me. I promise I won't be a hysterical wreck.
Knock, knock. 'Nobody's home.'
And tonight you'll break down my door and my tears will stain your finger tips black; just like my blood stained the floor.