So much contempt. The anger stems from a past not worth mentioning. Violence solves nothing, unless you find the root of the problem. Many people believe that without the past we have no future. That is completely untrue, but for some there was no future anyway. For some fate leads us to the grave. For some, we become nothing more than a nameless fossil waiting too pass away.

Some may even say that Logan Knight fits this bracket to perfection. He seems quite content to waste away with no sense of direction. The man is blind, and he needs help. But whom is he kidding? Why does he actually believe that his future lies in a physical sport with no sense of remorse?

I picked up my luggage from the airport; it had been a busy week. The altercation with Danny on Livewire, had just made me angrier. Oh, I forgot this is UIW, so the show hasn't even been put on national T.V yet. Well let's just say Danny crossed the line, but he was the least of my worries. I preach an index of knowledge, but even I was at a loss of words when none other than that blind scumbag Logan Knight attacked me in a place of education. A place where there should be no battle lines, a place where intricate learning takes priority to violence. I was insulted, and my believers were insulted. The vermin flowed through his veins freely. Even the thought of having to lock up with this man at Showcase made me cringe.

It happened again…

I froze, the sight of her made my blood boil. It was Gemma. She was a sterling literate graduate the same year I progressed into the world with a degree. I let her into my world; she seemed interested in what I had to say. One of the only few who actually did. It meant a lot, and for that her fate is in the stars. Well it was…

She turned to the dark side you see. What was once a lightly coloured and healthy young female was now a dark silhouette of a girl hiding on the inside. It scared me, I would never admit it, but although we only ever spoke on business terms. It made me feel good about myself, it made me want to learn more. It made me want to enlighten as many people as I can, but she is no longer one of them. I remember the time crisp. It was 2003, and the summer months had just run free. I went up to her home; she had forgot her college papers you see. This was very unusual, normally they were packed in her bag five minutes before the end of the lesson. I panicked. The walk was quick and crisp; I wanted to make sure she was O.K.

"Just drop my books through the cat flap, and ill see you tomorrow chip,"

I remember for the first time in my life, I was worried. Normally she would be pleased to see me, in fact even when she was busy. She would make time for me; we had a unique relationship. One fictional tales can't relate too. I tried not to think anything of it; maybe her hands were tied.

The next morning, I woke up early. I had to make sure she was all right; something in my blood told me this wasn't right. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but this was taking its toll on me. The specialists say I suffer from paranoia, but they didn't understand her like I did. Or I thought I did. She turned her back on me, at around twenty past nine in the morning she wondered in. Twenty minutes late. Her lightly tanned face now blemished with black eyes.

"I fell,"

She was lying; I could see it in her eyes. It hurt more than ever, for the first time in my life. I felt like a freak for only ever indulging in knowledge. She didn't feel like she could tell me about what was happening in her personal life.

I cornered her at break; I needed to know - I had to see for myself. I wanted to give her a second chance so badly. A second chance to tell me she had lied, a second chance to see the stars in her eyes light up. I just wanted her to feel safe in my company, but the bitch fu lied again. She stared me straight in my fucking eyes, and she lied again.

"It's nothing chip, I tripped over the phone wire and banged my head on the mantel. Don't worry about me, ill be fine,"

I wanted to believe her; in fact I needed her so much. It got to the point where I actually managed to convince myself it was the truth. So I tried to put it in the back of my mind. I swaggered on regardless. That same night, it happened again. She had left her books lying on the table. The trip to hers was a lot more redundant this time; I walked watching every footstep I took. It was almost like I knew my destiny lied just three blocks away. I knew that I would regret ever taking these small compact "Lunacy Literature" books back to her. What lay ahead was something sinister.

"You fuc whore!!!"

It was like alarm bells ringing in my ear. A door was slammed shut, and a bulky figure could be seen dashing into a waiting car. I picked up the pace, what had this fuc twat done to her? I was so angry, even thinking about it right now. I should have done something, but I couldn't I was a kid myself. I screamed with a certain ecstasy. I felt my lungs cave in, I was so desperate, and then…I heard her. She was breathing, softly and timid, but breathing.

"Go home chip, please,"

She was sobbing, I felt her tears like they were my own.

"Let me in, Gemma you have to talk to me. What was that all about? Gemma? Let me in, please you have to,"

Something had scraped the surface, something deeper than the blood and porcelain that surfaces within our hearts. I had to face up to this monstrosity; I was never anything more to her than a book geek. Someone she could rape knowledge off of without giving anything back. Well I wanted something back. I wanted a friendship, in fact I wanted more than a friendship. I wanted a relationship; I just wanted to have someone to come home to at night. Someone who didn't always think in facts and figures, but who was I kidding? Once a freak; always a freak. I played up to the social role expected of me.

That same week, it was over. She passed away - to me she was dead. I didn't know her. Every day a new scar decorated her body, and if she wasn't scarred she would cry herself to sleep on the desk she was once a genius at. The collapse of this girl I idolised scared me to death, and it set myself up for a life of disappointments.

She tried contacting me, but I left my phone off the hook. I knew she would be thinking the same as me. I knew she too was hurting, and what kind of friend was I? Maybe this was her last chance to confess? Well she blew her two chances. Remember? As far as I was concerned I could do without the bother. I didn't even want to wake up anymore. The smell of her perfect perfume was planted inside my head. Some nights I even shut myself off, a cocktail of prescribed medicine often done the trick. I would wake up feeling defenceless yet erotic. Erotic, because whether I could face it or not I wanted her more than anything. More than life itself. They say first impressions are often the benchmark to everything there after. How true it proved to be.

For months on end eye contact would be avoided at all costs. I thought it was for the best, I mean lets face it. It works in the movies right? Guy meets girl, girl breaks guys heart, guy moves on? Well it's not that simple. Her smile made me melt. Just like our friendship, her involvement with the course soon dissolved. Sure she achieved second year, but she never did reappear for 3rd year. Her seat remained vacant, much like my soul was missing a part of the jigsaw. Even now I take a trip to lecture theatre early, just so I can grasp what I am missing, call me pathetic. But you don't even know me, and you never will.

As the bus slowly grinded to a halt, it was my stop. I didn't want to get off; I wanted to stay static. I can't even remember boarding the bus; the last thing I remember was walking along the high street. My instincts must have taken me away, just like my mind has flawlessly recalled that girl. I swear to god I thought I seen her. Maybe it was an illusion? I know ill see her again. I see her ninety percent of the time I am awake. She provoked the common sense I was missing. Now I had become what I hated the most. Mr. Facts and Figures, and I resent it, but I know its what I do. I never asked for these higher powers. I was given them, I never asked for god to push me away from everyone I ever loved. It was fate, and it is the same fate, which will lead me to my destiny. The destiny I have waited all my life to achieve. I have one opportunity, one shot, and one chance to make it happen. I owe it to myself, and more importantly I owe it too all my believers. I don't have many left, half the time those who hate me – are those who don't understand me. I never claimed to be perfect, but I do know what it takes to achieve perfection, and that is what I strive to be.

So when the clock strikes down next week, and its time to compete. I will be ready, I know Logan Knight also struggles with his life. I guess we have more in common than first imagined. We are both tortured souls of the same species. I guess the only difference is – one of us has destiny on his side. While the other, the other wallows in self-pity. I know the worst is past, and thinking about my life has somehow proved therapeutic. Now I almost feel free of my demons. It's time for a fresh start; it's time to write my own chapter of history. So many people have written me off at their peril. Yet when in reality my time is only beginning. We shall strive to achieve world domination through the only way I know how – ruthless aggression! The finish line is well within my grasp, all I need to do is catch the next train, and by god just like all those years of heading to the lecture theatre early – I will be on the first train home. It wont be a return ticket either, because once I am at the top I won't be stepping down without putting up the fight of my life. So please, do yourself a favour. Refrain from judging me, because what is in words right now. Shall be put into actions later.

"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them."

ALBERT EINSTEIN