The numbing of my thoughts

Suppress my emotions.

All I feel is emptiness,

With a sense of sadness behind it.

I am calm…

I'm listening to my body;

The way it's begging me to hurt it.

I am tense and sore,

My forearm tingling…

Throbbing with every negative feeling and memory

Desiring to be let go, weighing me down

Craving a release that simply crying cannot satisfy.

Leaving the rest of my body weak,

Everything negative continues to gather in my forearm

Waiting for me to free them from within…

Waiting for me to neglect them,

Waiting for me to deny them,

Waiting for me to manipulate them,

Waiting for me to abuse them.

A blade is in my pocket.

For my own sick pleasure,

I torture my body with the tease.

The teasing torture of demanding patience from the impatient before the pain-releasing self- indulgence.

The slow burn of knowing relief is at my side, within reach…

Moments away…

Anticipation builds

As the time ticks

As I play this sick game

And see how long I can take it

Before I feed into the hunger.