Oh the pain I have caused you,
I wonder with my head in my hands why you listen to my pale voice
I can no longer hear the reasoning of those around me
The way these things work makes me think I made a choice
One to smile and never shed a tear
One to listen and yet never hear
It's like morning without the rain,
And it makes me feel insane
What if I fall?
What if I break?
What if I was wrong and this is all a mistake?
I ask so many questions, I beg for the answers
But who would answer the call of a pale voice?
In darkness I have decided it is my turn to make a choice
Left or right in Dante's world, I turn myself in small circles
I cannot think, I cannot breathe
I am dying, I'm on my knees
I inquire and I've spoken
I've begged and I've pleaded
And I've crawled from the form of the conceded
Into the way I want to be, the outcast
The beautifully, ugly, unwanted little me
I smile a little more
I die a little more
I break a little more
And no one has to know
What do you think they want to know?
The end of the world is coming m'love
I wonder if you're a raven or a dove
Oh world, oh God, I hear you laughing
I wonder if you're a raven or dove
Or a demon in disguise of a precious love
In the eyes of a stranger I am a fool
In the eyes of you, who know nothing of me, I am uncool
I wonder if there's a difference between the raven and the dove
I wonder if there's a difference between your hate and my love
But these thoughts only bring me down
Until the next time you come around
And the way you speak and act and laugh
Kill me, rip me up, because there's something so vulgar in your life
And that taint on your pretty silken white paper has a name
And a body and two hands, which bring this
I wonder if my burden is one you bare
Or if it's just another askew hair
On your perfect head, framed under your idle halo
There is no justice, no love, no freedom
Oh liberty! Oh life! Oh sanctity, you've raped me of everything
It is all gone, it is all over
It was a nightmare, something blown over
But these lies spread only nothingness
And these dry eyes long to stare into it
Until I go blind and then I will see
The ugly one here is not me
Not you, not anyone
For beauty is a figment I have conceived
And you are beautiful, same as me
And everything else I've birthed from my head
And everything your God has to this world sent
I don't believe
I don't believe
I don't believe in anything
Except that there is beauty
And that keeps me in my sanity
Just don't walk away from me
Where would I go?
What would I be?
If I were alone again?
Would you hate me again?
Would you think of me often?
I ask, but I'm afraid to know
So I'll just sit and stare.
With my mouth closed.
I love you.