James: Looking out From the Mouth
3/27/06
James longed for the time when he was unsure and hesitant in an afraid and wonderful way; facing a completely lawless world that could suck him in and close like avice at any given moment and he loved it.
Looking out from the mouth of that trap, who could say? The world was no more certain and chances no more limitless. He, however, had learneed his boundaries and set the parameters that never would it occur to him to outstep again.
It wasn't so much the naivety or time that presented itself and made youth such a tantalizing memory. It was the simple matter of knowing that soon, one day you'll come alive, a sense that living too fast, too loud, too hard or too gentle in just the slightest way will mull over forever and mute in a cruel rejection oflividness or the loud sound of the living.
Looking out from the mouth was seeing a place that he would never revisit- No, no that uncertainty being just a bit too strong, too dangerous and not safe, not safe at all- and a place for what if, what if, what if...