Author's Note: THIS IS NOT THE END. Thanks for waiting forever for me to update - this one took time. Just read it, it's a tear jerker :)
CHAPTER NINETEEN - GRADUATION
"What are you trying to say Becca?" he asked me.
"Scott..." I began swallowing all the saliva that had gathered in my mouth. He leaned in a little closer to hear me better. I shut my eyes and took in a deep breath and held it for three seconds and then exhaled.
"Yes?" He asked, urging me on to finish my statement.
"I love you," I said and his hands fell off of my hips. His eyes went wide and his mouth fell open a few inches. At that moment I knew what I had just said and had broken the biggest contract I had ever made in my life. The worst part was that I had gave in first and there was no going back.
"You what?" Scott asked me, all expression had faded from his face. His eyes had gotten all big and then suddenly a little squinty. His hands were hanging limply at his sides instead of draped around my hips.
"I-I said I love you Scott."
"Yeah I heard that, but I'm still confused."
"Scott, what is there to be confused about. I said I love you right here, right now. It can't be any clearer," I said to him. The tears began to well up in my eyes, and my vision began to blur.
"No Becca, it's crystal clear. I thought we had a deal," he said. Suddenly he started to sound really mad, for no reason at all. Here I was, pouring out my heart to him and he's getting all pissed off. Fabulous.
"Scott we did have a deal, I just broke it I guess," I said looking down at my shoes. At this moment they became the most interesting thing in the world, or I just couldn't look Scott in the eye. It was probably the second one.
"Yeah Becca, I guess you did," Scott said turning on his heel. Now I was the one confused. What the hell, am I stupid or something? So I broke our little deal, and now he's all sensitive about it. Perfect.
"Scott wait, I don't understand," I said grabbing his shoulder. He turned back around to face me. And when he did finally look me in the eye, I saw something that I had never seen before in his eyes. Pain.
"Becca what's not to understand? I don't love you back!" he said, almost yelling. Everything became clear at that moment. Everything came rushing back to me at the speed of light. The first time I had met his punk ass, the time when we had made this deal, the time he first kissed me in Rehab, the first time we fought, our stage kiss, swimming in his pool in the middle of the night, breaking my leg in order to save him, sharing a bed with him when we were sick, when he told me he wanted to take me to prom, and now. The time when he told me he didn't love me back.
Everything made sense. It was all just an act. A simple and juvenile act. I was just his ticket out of Rehab, and someone he could toy with. A trophy he could take around, like that time at that one party he took me to. Who was I kidding, he never had cared about me. He had seen right through me, god I was so vulnerable. And here I was right now, standing on the dance floor all alone like an idiot.
I wanted to call out his name, and beg for him to comeback but nothing came out. Maybe if I called his name he would come running back like nothing had happened, like when we were in the play together. That was also a joke, he was never coming back. That was a one time thing, this was forever. Scott had left me, and he just kept on walking. He didn't even look back at me to see if I was okay. His words had cut me deep, deeper than anything he had ever said. I could feel all emotion bleeding out of me, thoughts and memories all flooding out from my emotional wounds. It was like he had killed me right then and there, but had left the body to just rot away. He had broken me completely, like a doll that had a missing arm or a leg, and had just tossed me aside like I was worthless.
I didn't know what to do with myself. I felt lonely, like something was taken from me. Thoughts and emotions were still running rapids through my head, and my body felt numb. I just wanted to die. I couldn't move, everything seemed to keep moving around me. I was the only one frozen in time, and everyone else didn't even notice or care. I did the only thing I could at that moment, I stood there and cried.
"Sweetheart what about this school? This one is nice," my Mother said, leafing through my college acceptance letters. I had gotten into all of the schools I had wanted, but none of them seemed worthwhile. It had been three days after Scott had told me he didn't love me at all. Three painful days of trying to hide my emotions from the world, three painful days of crying in my room when no one was looking.
"Yeah, nice. So far Iowa is the one that's looking the best as of now," I said to her. My bad foot was propped on a nearby chair. The doctors had taken off the cast, and it was as fragile as ever. I was being made to attend physical therapy to make it become as strong as it was before I had broken it, another thing I had sacrificed for Scott.
"Iowa is great Becca, but you've also got Indiana, Michigan, Missouri, and Oklahoma too so don't forget about those," she said lightly kissing my forehead and grabbing her car keys. Good, she was leaving me too. It would only be for an hour or two but she would come back, unlike some other people who haven't yet. I shook the thought of him from my head and concentrated on college once again. University of Iowa was looking the best as of now, even though the other school were good as well. I still have no idea why I applied at University of Oklahoma, it just seemed good at the time. Scott and I were going to pick which schools we wanted to go to together. That idea was ditched now since we weren't talking at all. I couldn't even look at him now. Actually, I did want to look at him, even though he had torn out my heart completely.
I swung my bad leg off of the chair and stood up, taking my letters with me. Slowly, I hobbled up the stairs and pushed my way through my room. I threw the letters on my dresser and fell backwards onto my bed. The room was silent, the only thing I could hear was my waterfall of thoughts. I could hear him in my head still, his laugh, and his voice. I went to turn onto my side, but something crumpled underneath my shoulder. I leaned back over to where I was laying. There was a small note on my comforter. I picked up the note and opened it. It was from Scott, and I swear my heart stopped beating for a few seconds.
You did it, you broke our pact. Congratulations. Now you have no choice but to face my punishment. You knew this was coming, and I didn't forget. On the day of graduation, you must make a speech to the entire graduating class and the entire audience. In that speech you must include the reason why you've fallen in love with me, and whatever else you would like. It will be painful, but you'll manage. Good luck.
I felt my throat closing up in anger. He wasn't going to make me do this, he knows I hate making speeches. Let alone, I was the one designated to make the speech for the entire class. Those would only be a few sentences, and only a few minutes. Scott wanted me to add more to my speech, and more to the time I was going to suffer. That's all he wanted, for me to suffer.
"Ah, I see you've finally found my punishment," someone said from my windowsill. I jerked my head around so fast that I thought I felt it snap. Scott was sitting in my windowsill casually, the wind blowing through his hair gently. I wanted to push him from that sill so badly, to watch him fall to the ground and break every bone in his body. I held myself back though.
"What do you want?" I seethed at him. It felt like venom was coming from my lips, and I couldn't control my anger. Something inside me wanted to just rip his body to pieces, to show him how much pain and suffering he has put me through. The other part just wanted to kiss and make-up like we always do. Somehow the more violent part of me was winning.
"Oh nothing, I'm just delivering my punishment to you. It should be interesting, seeing as though you've been chosen to make a speech anyway. You can just casually add in the story of us, it'll be a nice personal anecdote. The audience will eat it up," he said with a smirk. I could see the malice in his eyes. So this was a game, a game to see who can rip the other one apart first.
"Well I'm not going to do it," I told him, crossing my arms. His cocky expression faded into anger.
"You don't have a choice, you're going to make that speech and you're going to like it Harker," he said getting up from the window sill. He was standing over me now. Normally this would have been something I would have loved. Scott standing over me while I was on my bed, unable to get away. Now all I wanted was to just kick him where it counts, and I had a pretty good target zone. He had never called me by my last name, and I was a little scared. He grabbed the front of my T-shirt and pulled me up so that I was eye level with him.
"You listen, and you listen good. You will not want to piss me off, so you better go through with this. It won't be pretty if you don't do this. I promise you, the new punishment won't be public embarrassment, it's going to just be pain and lots of it," he said yanking me closer. I was so close that my nose was touching with his. The anger and ferocity was dripping with every word that he said. I didn't want anything more than to just punch him and break his nose, but I knew that wouldn't end well. Plus I was still hurt, and chances are I would break my leg again trying to run away from him.
"Clear?" he breathed at me, his eyes squinted into tiny slits. This was the perfect time for me to melt into his arms like I had before, and act like the damsel in distress. It was a good idea, but as of now the damsel was definitely in distress, but she was more pissed than distressed.
"Crystal," I spat at him. I was dangling in the air above my mattress, he was holding the front of my shirt so tightly. I never hated him more than I did right now. Rage and fury was flowing through my veins, and I felt such animosity and malice towards Scott as he was walking to the window sill. I wanted to just pounce and push him out that window, and watch him tumble to the ground so I would never have to do this punishment. Unfortunately that would not be possible, which sucked.
"Fine!" he yelled, one foot out of my room and on the roof.
"Fine!" I yelled back, trying to find something to throw at him on the way out. He finally scrambled out of my room and onto the roof, slamming my window on his way out. Tears of anger fell onto my bedspread and I fell backwards onto my bed, hands over my eyes. I've never hated anyone as much as I had loved them once before. With Scott, this was easy.
"Sweetheart, make sure your cap is straight, I want everyone to be able to see the tassel from the audience," my Mom said, fixing my graduation cap. It was finally the big day, the day that Becca was going to make her big speech.
"Scottie sweetie, let's hope you graduate. No one wants to be a Super-Senior!" Sydney said, pinching my left cheek. She pulled down her a little more, or what was left of her skirt. Silently I flipped her off behind Mom's back, and got into our car.
The whole way over to Howard Xavier High my heart was pounding. It was getting hotter and hotter inside my graduation gown with each stoplight that we came to. Thoughts were swimming through my head at rapid fire.
Was Beccalynn really going to go through with this?
How mad was she at me for the encounter we had yesterday?
Why am I making her do this?
Why did I tell her I didn't love her?
I couldn't control anything that was going on inside my head. It felt like it was being split open, and I felt like I had to throw up.
"Scott, are you alright? Ma, he's gonna hurl!" Sydney yelled from the back of the SUV my family members and I were jammed into. I wasn't going to hurl, I just felt like I had been hit over the head with a baseball bat numerous times.
"Ma I'm fine," I said to her. I shoved my head into my hands, and tried to clear my thoughts. Nothing seemed to make sense after Prom. I had no idea why I didn't tell her that I loved her back. Maybe I was afraid, but afraid of what was the question. I hadn't meant to hurt her, but it backfired at me. Why didn't I tell her that the whole pact was a stupid idea? God was it a stupid idea. I had lost the girl that I was madly in love with, and she was going to humiliate herself in front of eight thousand people, five thousand being our student body. I had to do something.
My parents put the car in park in the parking lot and I took off. I ran in the other direction, onto the football field where the students would be seated on the turf. Parents and relatives were already filling the bleachers to my right, and students were scattered on the field. This was going to be a joke. I ripped off my cap and ran toward the nearest kid that I could find. I grabbed Bernie McIntyre and spun him around.
"Dude what the hell?" he said, caught off guard.
"Have you seen Beccalynn Harker?" I asked, out of breath. He shook his head. Dammit. I scanned the crowd again, hoping to find her laughing playfully in a ground of girls. Suddenly, Darcy caught my eye. I don't think I've ran any faster in my life than at that moment. I ran over to where she was standing, bracing her shoulders.
"Darcy, please tell me you know where Beccalynn is," I panted to her. She eyed me like I was crazy, and I had a feeling she knew what went down at Prom. But Darcy wasn't that bright, she probably had no idea.
"Last time I saw her she was in the bathroom fixing her mascara. She's a wreck today, I haven't the foggiest idea," she said. I shut my eyes and held in all of my anger. I thanked her and went on my way. Just as I was about to run into the school, the principal came on over the speakers.
"Will all students please take a seat in the football field please, all students to the field at this moment," he said. Shit. I sat down in my seat, second row from the podium at the front of the student body. At few members of the faculty and the district spoke for a little while. The heat was too much to bear for the students at least. A few kids were fanning themselves with their caps, and others weren't even paying attention. Actually, none of us were.
"And now I would like to welcome a very respected and intelligent student. She has brought many contributions to Howard Xavier High and has participated in school productions and attends school functions. She is at the top of her class and dedicates her time to helping out at the Rehabilitation center in her free time. Please welcome Ms. Beccalynn Harker," Principal Edwards announced. The applause broke out, and then I saw Becca's body step out from the hoard of students. Seeing her walk up to the podium shot knives through my body. She wasn't as cheerful as she normally is, and there wasn't a smile on her face at all. She looked so depressed, and it was all my fault. She cleared her throat and began her speech.
"Good afternoon students, faulty, and family. It is a great honor to be up here and speaking on behalf of the 2008 graduating seniors. As students we have all grown and matured over the years here at Howard Xavier. We have made new friendships, broken friendships, and have gained friendships that will last a lifetime. Whether you're part of the football team, the hockey team, or the debate team, you have made a journey through high school and there were people there along the way," she started. She was rambling on and on about relationships. She didn't make any eye contact with anyone in the audience, she kept staring straight ahead. She knew I was sitting right there, she could see me.
"The relationships we've gained will always be remembered, and the relationships lost were for the better. The journey we have made as students has come to an end, at least for now. We may never see some of our friends ever again, but in our hearts we know that they'll always be there for us," she said. A tear gently fell from her right eye and landed on the podium. This was killing me, I couldn't take it anymore. My gown was knotted up, and I felt an ulcer coming in the pit of my stomach.
"On that note, I'd like to make an announcement," she said. She was going to do it, she was going to make the announcement. I couldn't believe it, I had to stop her. She cleared her throat one more time, and right when she was about to open up her mouth I stood up.
The tears continued to pour from my eyes. This was the big moment. The lump in my throat continued to grow with every word. I couldn't believe I was going to do this, in front of all of these people. What would my parents think? What would Nanny think? Hell who cares, she can't hear me anyway. I took a deep breath to regain my thoughts and decided I was ready. Right as I was about to say "I am head over heels in love with Scott Davis," I heard someone cough from the student audience. I looked down over the podium and saw Scott standing up, all alone.
"Ladies and gentlemen, please excuse the interruption. I too have an announcement to make," he said turning to the audience. His voice was shaking, but he still sounded calm.
"I refuse to let Ms. Harker go any further," he said getting out of his row and standing in the aisle. Several faculty members looked alarmed, but Principal Edwards hushed them all. This was insane, what was he doing?
"During my time at Howard Xavier this year I have learned many things from Ms. Harker. She has taught me how to be a real person. Never have I ever looked the same at anyone since I've met her. I've learned to laugh, I've learned to cry, and I've learned that it's never too late to make things right," he went on. Scott was now coming up to stand next to me on the podium.
"But most of all, Miss Beccalynn Harker has taught me how to be sorry. Never once in my life have I been sorry about anything. She has changed me from being a jerk, to now being a gentleman. And now, I'm sorry that I didn't learn any of this before," he said. Was he kidding? Was this a joke, or some cover-up for my crappy speech? Scott turned to me and took both of my hands.
"Scott what are you doing?" I hissed to him. He gave me a weak smile, and then I saw it. There was one single tear that was ready to fall from his right eye.
"Just go with it," he whispered before continuing. His voice was so shaky, and his hands could not stop moving. I could see my parents and the Davis family watching their daughter and their son enact some weird play behind the podium. Of course they were sitting next to each other, my Mother and Mrs. Davis were holding hands in fright, each looking confused beyond words. Our fathers looked more angry than our mothers. My Nanny and younger sister weren't even paying attention. Sydney's mouth was hanging open in embarrassment and Sean was about ready to burst out laughing. Scott ignored them and continued.
"Beccalynn, I want to say I'm sorry for everything. Everything I've said has never come out right until this moment. I've never been more sure of anything at this moment right now. I'm sorry for every time I made you cry, every single tear I watch you cry makes me want to die. I'm sorry for ever misleading you in any way, shape, or form. I'm sorry for ever saying things I didn't mean. In reality, I love the way you laugh, I love the way you talk, I love the way you get mad at me, I love the way you always try and make things right. Here I am now, babbling like an idiot over everything I've ever done that I could never take back. And now, I'm saying sorry for everything. I'm sorry for being an ass at the beginning, I'm sorry for trying to push you away, I'm sorry for dragging you through hell and back, and I'm sorry for never saying this sooner," he said. Tears were falling freely from my eyes now. I couldn't stop crying. Scott had taken my hands in his and pulled me closer to him. There was no way he was doing this right now, in front of all of these people. He had only shed one tear, and one tear only. The audience was dead silent, and Scott continued.
"Beccalynn Harker, I'm madly, head over heels, crazy, in love with you," he said, right into the microphone. My mouth fell open in shock, and everything went numb. I couldn't talk and I couldn't move. Scott just stood there, looking like a complete idiot. What was he waiting for? And then it hit me, I loved him back.
"I love you too Scott Davis," I said to him as he wiped the tears falling from my eyes. No one said a single word, the audience was dead silent. I swear I heard my Mother gasp, and she might have fainted. Oh well.
Scott smiled at me, a smile that I've never seen before. He cupped my chin in his hands and brought my face in close to his, close enough to see every fleck of blue in his eyes that were filled with tears. And then, at that exact moment in front of about eight thousand people, he kissed me.
A/N: THIS IS NOT THE END! Thanks for reading!