realize the hurt

isn't it funny how i'm too afraid to
show bare arms to my own family
(they hate to see new ones carved
on my skin) but i'm willing to show
them to you (my wrists, arms, thighs
and stomach)? each day they are
reminders of what i do for you. and
i still can't find a reason to stop
(trying to convince myself that you
aren't worth it). because if you had
never meant so much to me, i wouldn't
be bleeding & crying the tears that
will never bring you back (and you
can't say that i never meant a thing to
you because that would be just another
lie). but i'm just not ready to give up yet
(not on you – not on myself). and i know
that one day you'll realize all that you do
to me (before it's too late and i can't wait
any longer) in order to make me feel
worthless (unloved & unbeautiful). you
can't wait for the scars to heal because
you have never seen the way they scatter
themselves across once untainted flesh.
and a part of me still hopes that this will
/can work out the way i want it to.

April 2, 2006