The Pale Bastards Truth

Say it, you pale bastard

(say what I got was due)

I had it coming,

why try to explain it, it must be true -

say it as my face turns red,

say it while you push me onto the bed

(say it)

say it while you clocked me going thirty-four

in a twenty-five;

the same road where woman whore themselves

at night in sequin royalty

and high heeled feet of princely blue veins

(Say it)

I told you so!

Say that you regret me

heart over hand

you would swear by me

fill out all the words

in sandals that make my toes hurt

and I stand by and smile:

"You see

the

world

beautiful - Fucking 'A' Plus On That

but

we

worry

about

how

you

see

yourself - (just say it and get it over with)

and when you see my face you gasp

ignorance of my brummagem

(who'd I have to sleep with to get here?

No one

love,

I don't even like sleeping inside myself)

So say it, you pale bastard,

you cut up creed

that I screamed and slammed my fists against the steering wheel

(like my daddy would have done)

and you couldn't help but sit there

stunned.

And

I sobbed

like

a

baby

in

front

of you -

an infant with red eyes

but I let you suckle

at my breast to feel what it must be like to be a woman -

a women in high heels,

a woman out of luck,

and out of money,

a woman

with a pale face, traced red with lines

tears that drip black from cheap mascara -

cheap - cheap - you're so fucking cheap,

and I'm out of it again -

in a pale city

with a pale sense of justice

paler still horizons knocking on my door

for the things I will never get quite right -

I want to

become this color (that legitimizes me)

I want to murder it

along the way

through Burien

and all the stand still lights;

too much sun shine to warm my legs

and I can't hide the look on my face

but when I stare into the mirror

biting my lip

and watch myself

hyperventilate,

I think about going home and slicing my wrists open,

pale skin

against the surface

above

and

below

(I want to taste the pale of it, bastard)

but I don't

and I won't,

I just walk

and drive

and let my bare feet pimp the sidewalk

like alabaster seashells

(I want the ocean;

I want the sunshine

when it's pale in October)

I want to start over

so say it (bastard)

say it pale and clean

so we can both go home

and get on with our lives;

say it sweet so I'll remember it -

I told you so!