"There
is a time for everything, Sacha."
I didn't
understand what he was saying. How could he have discovered what I
had done, why only now was he retaliating with vehement acrimony the
likes of which often was only inspired by drunken rage?
"A time
to live, a time to die. Have you ever read that passage in the
Bible?"
I could
not breathe, and therefore replying was not something I could readily
do. Years ago, he, this same man that stood above me, had stepped on
my breastplate so hard, kicked it with such violence that it cracked
into multiple hairline pieces of a jigsaw. I was never taken to
hospital: the funding that the Butterfly brought in was not, at that
time, sufficient to merit a doctor's trip for something that was
not obviously about to kill me. Because of this, it had never healed
correctly, and it had been easier to break this time with his heel
than it had ever been before. Breathing in hurt as it expanded, and
out while it moved again, leaving my panting, winded on the cold,
abrasive asphalt composing the alleyway behind the old Victorian
building.
"No?"
How had he
found out about him?
"A time
to weep, a time to laugh. A time to mourn, and a time to dance. So
on, et cetera."
Ecclesiastes
Three.
The blunt,
steel toe of his boot was sent into my ribs. They were already
bruised, sore and aching, and now one of them cracked clean in two,
making me shout with the sharp pain as bone split, nerves jolted, and
the jagged end of the bone itself seemed to tear into my insides.
"A
time," he spat out, now once more driving into every inch of my
body he could with wild, beating kicks, "To know," and now
between every other word there was a foot in my side, shattering me
from the inside. "When to shut up, and accept, someone's, help,
and charity, and good. Fucking. Graces. To raise you!"
The
alleyway spun around me, while pain and shock crawled through my
limbs, and I was aware that my cheeks were wet with tears, a torn lip
sending blood down my throat that had me spluttering in attempts not
to choke in addition to the foreboding asphyxiation.
"What
was his name?"
A cough,
and I forced myself to roll onto my side, spit onto the sidewalk. I
was soon on my stomach, Jordan on my back with his knees, grabbing a
handful of my hair and bashed my skull downwards in an attempt to
coerce an answer.
"It's
his name, or a false one on your own tombstone! Sacha Demidov will
have never come to America because I will wipe," more bashing, more
pain, concrete to forehead striking me numb, "Every, last, thread
of your pathetic existence from this planet! Who is he?"
"Jordan-"
I wheezed, but it was not the name he wanted to hear, and I could
feel my nose shatter as it was rammed down this time.
"That's
my name! Not his! Don't fuck around with me! Tell me who it was!"
Who it
was? It was not a question I felt I could answer with just a name
alone. He was perfection, he was grace, and he was angelic beauty
descended to take me back home in sweet, blissful moments when visits
were stolen during nights underneath the harsh glow of fake neon
lights and between brick buildings that pressed us in against one
another in rapturous symphony.
His name
was not going to pass my tainted, bloodied lips while they quivered
in inhaling air that now came with vibrant pain throughout my entire
body.
"You're
mine." Words that were poisonous hissed from the devil's tongue
on top of me, directly into my ear, accompanied by the press of a
cold circle to the back of my bruised skull. "Not his. Mine, you
filthy whore, and if you don't tell me his goddamned name, you
little faggot, I'll do to you what I've done to all the rest of
you pathetic bitches that stole from me." A click penetrated the
thick fog that was surrounding my senses.
"I'm
yours," he said to me, whispering it into my ear while stroking my
chest through the mesh that covered it, fingers passing over the
tattoo that was embedded beneath the hollow of my collarbone. "Yours,
all yours, Sacha…"
The manner
in which it had been said, such passionate affection in the heat our
skin created despite the surrounding cold of oncoming spring in the
city, frost that rimmed windows in the fake light of night, had me
believe, and perhaps in stupefied reverie since I had clung to them.
"I'm
his," I stuttered. "For – forever – his angel – Wingless –
but his angel –"
The pistol
Jordan had pressed to my head was lifted, and then came crashing
down.
Blackness. No sound.
And then
back in the alleyway some few minutes later, so far as I could
discern, though I had been moved against the wall, sitting partially
up, blood still wet while it slipped in rivers down my face, staining
my vision with red. Jordan was there, glowering, and now I could see
the weapon.
"Name,"
he snapped. I became almost stupidly, belatedly aware that I was
naked, hands bound behind me at my tailbone. Breathing was pain;
moving was pain; and when I came to be able to discern what I was
seeing behind the blood that was stinging my eyes that, too, was
pain, knowing that in foolish martyrdom to save the man I loved from
Jordan's wrath I was never to see him again.
"A time
to die," Jordan said, and I gasped in air.
"I saw,"
I said, wheezing, and wincing between words and sobs. "Under the
sun the place of judgement, that wickedness… was there."
Ecclesiastes
three.
It was
enough to make his killing me quick, the bullet that was fired
finding my skull, and landing in the brick wall behind me, below a
window that once was rimmed with fingers of frost and hands of almost
supernatural warmth.