The Battle of the Sexes

Summary: Frankie and Nicole are best friends. They disagree and decide to go undercover in order to determine which one of them is correct. However, neither had anticipated discovering each other.

Chapter I

"Frankie, do you think my bosom is too big?"

Frankie, startled out of an intense concentration, looked from his homework to the brown haired girl who was engaged in examining her generous amount of chest. An amused smirk found its way onto his face as he watched her try out various poses in the mirror that was nailed to her bedroom door.

"No. Your bosom is fine," he chuckled and then gave her an odd look, "Who says 'bosom' nowadays anyways? You sound like my grandmother."

Nicole huffed crossly and sprawled out on the bed beside Frankie, "Well, 'boobs' sounded far too immature for somebody as mature as I and… 'breasts' didn't quite get the point across."

He snorted and flicked her with his pencil, "Yeah right. You're so mature."

"I am," she nodded confidently, ignoring the sarcasm that leaked from between her best friend's lips.

There was a comfortable moment of silence in which the pair simply stared at the ceiling, and then Frankie spoke.

"Why'd you even ask what I think of your bosom?"

Nicole shrugged and shifted on the bed, "I overheard a few of the girls at school talking about bra size… and I couldn't help but become a bit… Well, self-conscious. They said that it's obvious Amy Petrillo, you know her? I think she's in your physics class… Anyways, I heard Mary-Beth Watson telling Annie Oliver that Amy just has to stuff because there's no way she's that big… And, well, Amy's a D and so am I…"

Frankie scoffed and pushed his glasses farther up his nose, "Girls are stupid, Nic. Ignore what they say. Besides, you and I both know you don't –er- stuff so what does it matter?"

"I guess you're right," Nicole nodded and a few strands of brown hair fell in front of her eyes. She brushed them behind her years and then said, angrily, "Girls aren't stupid."

Frankie gave her a look.

"I'm serious. Frankie, I'm a girl and I'm not stupid. You know that…"

"I know you aren't stupid, Nic."

"…Besides, I'd be willing to bet that if anybody ever bothered to figure out which sex was better, women would win."

Frankie rolled his eyes and ran a hand through his shaggy blonde hair, "What makes you so sure?"

"Men suck."

He couldn't help but laugh at the abrupt, confident way she said those words.

"Give five good reasons."

"They're selfish, shallow, insensitive, perverted and infuriating."

An agitated Frankie fired back at her, "Well, women are nosey, over sensitive, whiny, obsessive and too concerned about their appearance."

"That's bullshit and you know it is," Nicole snapped at him, her temper getting the better of her, "After all, you trip over your tied shoelaces every single time Jaclyn walks by. You're just as obsessed with my sister as every other guy I know. Bah. You probably fantasize about her. You do, don't you Frankie? Geez, you all make me sick."

Frankie sat up and leaned against the wall. His back was tense.

"Well," he shot back, "Maybe you should start fawning over…some guy! I've never known a girl to be as unemotional as you."

There was a pregnant pause.

"You think I'm unemotional?"

True to his words, Nicole's voice was void of any hurt or frustration. Frankie studied her face and searched her deep blue eyes for any hint as to what she might be feeling.

"…Aren't you?"

Nicole swallowed and stared at him. Frankie stared back, hoping that he'd somehow make it out of this alive.

"No."

"Oh?"

"Yeah."

And then there was silence.

Suddenly, unbelievably uncomfortable, Frankie crossed his legs and craned his neck so that he could stare up at the ceiling.

Nicole mumbled something under breath.

"Sorry?" he said, "I didn't catch that?"

Nicole slid off the bed and flopped onto the plush carpet, "Nothing. It was nothing."

"Um," Frankie faltered. There was an unsure quirk to his eyebrows, "Okay?"

"Hurry up and finish your homework so we can go watch that movie Jaclyn rented. I finished ages ago."

"Fine."

"Frankie?"

"Hmm?"

"Please, keep the ogling to a minimum. She's not into creepers."


The only light in the Hudson's living room came from the television where Scarlet O'Hara was once again trying to charm an unwilling Ashley into her arms. The old movie was one of Jaclyn's and Nicole's favorites. The two girls were absorbed in the movie on the couch while Frankie, who had only stayed for the film as an excuse for him to be close to Jaclyn, slumbered peacefully on the floor.

Jaclyn tested the depth of Frankie's sleep with her foot. The blonde boy protested with a groan and carelessly slapped at her foot with his hand but he remained asleep.

"Have you told him yet?" she asked her sister, sending the other girl a curious look.

"Told him what?" Nicole asked.

"You know…" Jaclyn let the sentence drift into silence.

"I know… what, exactly?" Nicole laughed and tossed a piece of popcorn at her older sister. It landed on her shoulder and rolled down, disappearing amongst the various sofa cushions.

Frustrated, Jaclyn rolled her eyes and threw her hands up, "About your feelings."

"My… what?"

Jaclyn's blue eyes bulged out of her head and Nicole laughed at the picture her sister made. For a few moments, the usually gorgeous girl had resembled and alien.

"Don't tell me you're still insisting that you have nothing but platonic feelings for Frankie when the entire world has known otherwise for the past… five hundred billion years."

Nicole snorted, "H'okay. I'm sixteen. There's no way the dinosaurs could have known that I'd develop something more than platonic feelings for the boy that I've considered a brother all the years of my life."

"Are you finally admitting it?"

"Admitting what?"

A feline-like growl reverberated from inside Jaclyn's throat and she hissed, "That you have a crush on your best friend!"

Nicole burst into a fit of giggles, "I don't."

"Bah! Humbug."

"Snotters."

Jaclyn shot her sister a very confused look and Nicole simply shrugged in reply and wiggled her eyebrows. Before either of them new it, both girls were clutching their stomachs and wiping tears of mirth from their eyes.


Butterfinger's Notes:

I've been toying with this idea for some time now and I finally decided that I'd actually give it a shot. Please, tell me what you think. Feel free to leave constructive criticism or anything that you deem necessary.

Eternal love goes out to whoever reviews!