Before I lived, life was simple.
Maybe I should give up on writing. Life is so much better left in your mind. When you try to put all your daydreams or even your night dreams on paper, something is left out or something seems naked. It is showing too much skin for all my dreams, even if they mean nothing to you, to be pulled out of the pencil and placed on the paper.
The reason I am writing this, because it's not fiction (for once) and it's not my poetry (which is closer to fiction), is that I haven't been here for a while because everyone here knows my secrets. My secrets being all of my poems and all of my stories and every single word I have ever written and I hate all those secrets.
But for anyone who cares, I am here to say goodbye, officially, since I haven't posted anything since January and I am not planning to post anything for a while. I've been on and since 2000, six fucking years, and maybe it is time for me to take my leave.
In a few months, I will be moving again, only to be moving back, because like everything else, my plans have all changed. I will not be going to the art school since I don't have any money and financial aid didn't cover enough. Instead, I will be moving back to Pullman (where I lived for two years) and going to community college.
And I've been thinking that maybe I should focus on art, forget about writing, since everything I write lately has turned out to be crap and (woohoo) I can get 19.8 out of 20 on my art projects. But am I any good at art? Am I even an artist?
You know my secrets and that is just too much for me and I don't even know why. I love telling people things that have happened to me. I love telling the stories of my own life but on here, these poems aren't my life anymore. Like I said, life is so much better left in your mind so stop telling memories, even if they are fake.
From now on, all my lies will be spoken, not written.
So this is my goodbye.
Thank you to everyone who commented on my poems and took the time to read them. I want to especially thank Astarayl, in lust (first known as idontbleed), Lee Holiday, Moondog Dozier, chaos called creation, and everyone else who continually commented and kept me writing for so much longer than I ever could by myself. I am so sorry to all of you that I haven't read any of your poems in months and I doubt I will catch up or even start again.
My profile along with all these poems will stay up because no matter what I do, I could never erase my writing from my life. Who knows, I may come back or I may visit sometimes, leave everyone updates on my life as it changes, but no more secrets, no more poems- just the facts.
You can keep in touch through myspace - fristelsen, deviantArt - aphonic,or aim - thatssocake.
Again, thank you and goodbye. FictionPress wouldn't have been the same without everyone that has been there for me from October 2000 to January 2006. I guess it is time for all the old-timers to leave. Good luck to everybody in your own changing lives.
"Truth is beautiful, without doubt; but so are lies." -Ralph Waldo Emerson