Who I Am, I Don't Know

Sitting, I stare out the window.

As the battle rages in me.

Two people, raging for control over me.

One, calm and collected.

Fair and patient.

Trying to be someone worthwhile.

But afraid.

Always secretly afraid.

So long that it has become part of her, me.

The other, brave and quick.

Hardly a thought to her words or actions.

Always making the first regret it.

Always meaning well, but hurting others in the meantime.

Pride in her, making me favor the other a little more.

Laughing, I see the irony.

I thought that the second died.

Years ago,

When the first came to life.

But she is as alive as ever.

She just hides very well.

Sighing, I feel the battle continue.

These two,

Natures as different as light and dark.

Making me who I am,

And who I can be.

One correcting and chastening me.

Making sure that I don't do something I regret.

The other, encouraging, pushing me.

Until she becomes so fed up with being ignored that she takes over

For a second and makes me brave.

Maybe one day they will agree

But I doubt it.

Until then,

Who I am,

I won't know.