Recently, I have been somewhat short of temper, annoyed easily, and completely internally emotionally detached. I, now, realize that I shouldn't have done what I did to try and fix the problem. I sent my friends an email telling them why I was annoyed. I wasn't trying to be mean at all. I wasn't picking on a single one of them (in particular).
However, not all the things I listed hadn't happened just recently. In fact, they've been accumulating over the period of about a year or two. Repeatedly, I hadn't let them bother me, by just pushing them aside. Here is where the "recent" part comes in.
One of my friends, in particular, had been severely getting on my nerves off and on for about two months. One week, I could stand her and she was a lot of fun, and the next, I just wanted her to go away. I never had the heart to tell her this, of course. This was for several reasons. One, I knew she needed my support as a best friend for her family life. I've had the misfortune to experience it first hand, and knew better than to not help her. Two, my emotion was too fluctuating to be solid enough to act upon. And, finally, three, being the supposed "good friend" I am, I sacrificed the petty inconvenience of her annoyance to me.
Another one of my friends, to whom I sent the email to, was also, equally undeserving of it. While I was having problems with my aforementioned friend, she was a very good support center. Also, if I were "touchy-feely", I would know that she has a good shoulder to cry on. But I'm not, so I'll just take my next friend's word for it.
I will say, in my defense, that my next friend that I will be talking about, has rarely heard how frustrated I have become/had been in the past with her. This is a good thing, because she has a huge heart and can be emotionally hurt very easily. And, in this email I sent, she didn't get it near as hard as the others did. Not because I had her feelings in mind, but because I never really tallied up my indifferences with her well enough to use them against her, let alone in my defense.
The diversity of my friends' personalities is impeccable. The second friend I mentioned chewed me out, and, as far as I know, left it alone after that. My first friend took it all too wrong. She fought back and sprinkled a touchy subject, with me, into her reply. I'm not sure if she knew it was (and has been ever since I was in fourth grade) touchy with me, because I'm not sure if I ever came out and told her. No matter. It's not important now. Now, keep in mind that I was completely emotionally detached by this point.
I don't know what possessed me to do it, but unfortunately I did. I replied and, although I grimace at mentioning it again, told her she is exactly like her mother some times. I added to that horrible, albeit, true, comment and saying that she is overbearing. Later that night I called her because I knew that she wouldn't be able to sleep, and neither would I, if I didn't apologize. I apologized and tried to take it back. But, to my dismay, it didn't work and I couldn't take it back. Ever since then, I have been able to feel her distance from me. While I had been fed up with her long before this, I felt distant from her, but now I can feel it coming from her. I know I deserve it.
All I was trying to do was to tell them what they wanted to know. They wanted to know why I had been weird lately, but I needed to think it out before I told them. I obviously hadn't thought it out all the way, or else I wouldn't have even sent the email. The purpose of this essay has been to apologize. Even though I know that won't help one bit. However, in the hopes that it will, I'm sorry.