My Love is a Sin

I'd always been told to be myself. I lived by that until now … Now that I've learned that who I am is unacceptable.

I've done something terrible. I was blinded by my selfish, unholy desires, and I have been shamed.

I've failed my family, my friends, and God.

As far as I'm concerned, I have no right to be alive right now. I keep thinking back to it: my mother crying, my father unable to look at me.

I can't believe I was so stupid. I should have known. I should have known the moment I kissed her. I should have known that it was wrong. I should have known that girls shouldn't love other girls.

It just felt so right …

No.

I can't say that. That is Satan speaking within me. That is my failure to overcome this weakness. It's a sin. The love I feel for her is unholy. Loving her is a sin.

Love … is a sin.

I know what I must do. I need to stop lying to myself. I don't love her. I'm not in love with a girl. I don't like other girls.

I'm going to stop lying and leave the darkness of my bedroom. I'm going to go downstairs and apologize to my mother. I'll give her a hug and tell her that she doesn't need to keep crying. It's over now. I'm better.

Tomorrow is Sunday. I'll go to my Sunday school class with the other elementary-schoolers and I'll ask God to forgive me, too. I'll explain to Him that I was weak, and that I strayed from His path. I'll ask for His guidance and love.

Love …

Love is a sin.