remnants of silence

if this (tangible) silence is your form
of sympathy then i must admit that
you need to try harder (or maybe not
at all). because this has lasted so long
that i can taste its (bitter) remnants that
linger in the air (but i'm still hanging
onto it, hoping, praying it'll save me.)

i first built walls to keep people out
(as i bleed, cry, and vomit away the
suffering) but now, as people tear
them down, i realize that i built them
to see who was strong enough to break
them (and your walls are built to keep
everything about me out). but what a
relief it is to know that i'm not going
through this alone like i thought i was.

the efforts i made to rebuild what we
had were nothing because you just
don't care (you'd rather forget it) you
can't save me now but i'll never let this
go until you tell me that you are sorry
(and i want you to say it like you mean it).

until then, this blade is still clutched in my
hands, and the bullet is in the gun with your
name carved into it, and the tears never-ending.

May 3, 2006