Crying,

Because of the poetry put into song.

The words.

They mean so much.

When it's what you've wanted to do for so long...

But you don't.

Because it would be stupid.

It would be pointless.

I don't want to cause pain...

Not when I know what it feels like.

Pain.

Self-infliction.

Addiction.

Now do you know?

Secrets,

Pulled on top of themselves,

Like shrouds,
Hiding the scars,

The pain, hate and the want.

Too many words at once.

I don't understand.

Make me understand.

I'm on the verge of tears.

Why?

Wishing I knew...

So much pain,

Tired,

I WANT TO UNDERSTAND.

please.

But something won't let me.

No sense.

No words.

No feeling.

Numbness.

Is better.

This desire aches.

Desire.

What I might never find.

Because.

Because.

The word goes on and on.

Alone.

Bitter taste in my mouth.

Don't look at me that way,

I hate that.

Hate myself.

Hate myself.

Hate myself.

Hate myself.

Write it over and over again.

Pretend you're sad for me,

I know I could have much worse.

I'm lucky.

And not.

It's ironic and paradoxal.

Tear out my hair.

Make it go away.

Stop.

I don't know what I believe.

Atheist.

No.

Satanist.

No.

See through the blurred lines.

Black.

Evil.

White.

Good.

Stereotypes.

Anger.

Where is this going?

Screaming, and crying.

You can't see or hear,

I won't.

So I do this.

You wouldn't understand.

I don't even understand.

Hate.

Hate.

Hate.

Hate.

Hate.

Hate.

Myself.