Memoirs of a Veteran Writer

By: Lucky Mesenko

It's tough writing things you've already written. This is my second attempt at writing this... you see, my computer crashed while I was writing the last manifestation of this thought. This computer is rubbish, and I really do need a new one. Anyway, that's when I got to thinking: My account here (On Fictionpress) has outlived 3 computers. I mean, granted they're Windows machines, and not exactly made to stand the test of time, but still... My account is older than the site itself, I have a 4-digit ID, and I've changed my pen-name more times than I can count... An incredible thing, having a nom-de-plume... I'm using my real name presently, though. The nickname was given to me by a stoned classmate my freshman year, and the last name is Slovak. But, enough about me.

It's strangely nostalgic to think about how it began; When I first created this account, I gave it the name of one of my fictitional characters, 'Drake Rasta', I believe it was. He was a character from a long-lost peice of fanfiction I wrote about Diablo, which I still play to this day. You see, when I began, Fictionpress didn't exist, and all original fiction was logged on it's present-day sister site. You know, fanfiction, I must say, is truly remarkable stuff. That is to say, I've never seen a peice of Fanfiction that's going to stand as a literary masterpeice, per-se, but it's great in that it allows young writers to practice develop characters and a plotline without having to create a new setting each time. A good setting requires a good idea, and just because you don't have an idea for a killer story doesn't mean that you should have to wait until you do to hone your literary skills. But, I digress.

The most interesting part is observing how I personally have evolved as a writer. Granted, few of my older works are still available for viewing, weather I removed them myself, or they were lost in the creation of Fictionpress. I guess it shouldn't surprise me that much, as I was 11 when this account was first made, and I'll be 18 in a couple of months. I notice a lot less joking immaturity... Well, not less joking, just less immaturity. Actually, truth be told, maybe it's not even maturity, maybe I'm just becoming more British. The plotlines seem to have a lot more solidarity, as well. I think I started to latch onto that when I started writing longer works. Longer works kill me, though. I've always had this dreadful habbit of starting things with high hopes of them being something truly epic, and then never finishing them. That's one thing that hasn't changed.

The first full-length 'novel', if you will, that I started work on was a peice called 'GDI, NOD, ETC.', which was a Fan-fiction based on Command & Conquer, Tiberian Sun (One of 3rd person real-time strategy's true masterpeices). This was the first (and last) time I ever finished something of that magnitude; 21 chapters in all, including an epilogue. It chronicled a fellow named Eric Simmons, who was by all accounts a grunt of sorts. It was your typical romance/action story, but looking back on it now, it lacked the eloquence that I try to infuse my writing with now. I even got 6 or 7 chapters into a sequal, which I called "Heart of Gold".

I also wrote a great deal of parodies... Just whatever struck me. It was more of a subtle humor I used to entertain myself. I guess if you could relate writing to masturbation, that would be about what it ammounts to. It really didn't serve any purpose than a giggly self-satisfaction. I used to sing them to myself sometimes while I was walking home, but outside of that, they were never really written for a particular audience.

By this time, I was writing under the name Lazarus de Medci IV. I had a lot of fun with the biography on that one... In fact, Lazarus de Medci IV was sort of a character in himself. I could have written about his life and it would have been like another story entirely. In grade school, my life was pretty boring. I guess that's why I started getting into writing in the first place. That's why I started playing the guitar, too. I figured that if I couldn't talk to people, I'd find a way to entertain myself with some manner of creativity.

One night, I tried this excercise: Listen to a really cool song, and think of a scene to go with it, and then write a story around it. Though I honestly couldn't tell you what song it was (This being several years ago), I can tell you that that scene became the first chapter of Abbadon, which was my first completely original novel. I really had high hopes for it, too. I got about 18 chapters into it, and then it sort of petered out (quite a ways short of the 7 full-length books I had invisioned). I don't know, with some revisions, and reviewing some of the notes I'd made, I might be able to salvage that one. Hell, maybe I still will some day.

It was thinking about this work that made me want to come back. I remembered the banning of NC-17 (which is the equivalent of MA) stories, how much of a fuss people made that the administration wouldn't "Showcase their Digimon rape-fics", as Michael O'Hare so eloquently put it. I always liked the sense of community I felt here... Even though, just like any normal community, there were a few members who were just plain dicks.

Why did I stop writing? Well, to tell the truth, I didn't. I just stopped hanging on to my writings and publishing them online. Part of it was because I didn't have a computer for a long time. Only 6 months or so... But I lost a lot of unfinished works, and with that, sort of lost touch with the site. I need to learn to stop being so attached to my works. But, whatever.

I was listening to Rammstein's "Reise, Reise", and when I listened to a couple of tracks on the album in particular ('Kein Lust" and "Moskau", if anyone cares). I got this really spectacular image of an awesome Russo-German fight scene. At first, it was set in the Tannenberg campaign of WWI, but then I thought it would be neat to put it in a futuristic setting, thus my latest work, "God Save the Queen", ultimately brought me back here.

So, that's about what it ammounts to, I guess. So now, I think, I've officially announnced my return to the site. There's a lot more volume than there was when I left, and most of the people who frequented my works seem to have gone, so I guess getting people to read and review is going to be really cut-throat. Oh well, such is life, I guess.