Happy Mother's Day

Thinking about what's north of here

Nothing but the county seat and redneck wet dreams

Land as far as the eye can see

And then you hit Virginia. Where did you take me?

Too late and too little

Attention to me

Your bill is due at the end of the month

Now I'm a creditor calling

Wanting to collect my hourly wage

Fine I'll just call my friends

They know how to support me

Oh your cheap thrills

And cheap kills

But mummy that was my darling little kitty cat

Oh yes it WAS

To get through glass and bar windows she had to be an acrobat

Dracula came nowhere close to your excuse,

I know around here the rope in the kitchen turned into a noose

Oh mommy dearest you know what you've done

You forgot your one and only

For your sake I hope I was adopted

You would have never had daddy as much as you wanted Bobby

He came just off the rebound, and you ain't Shaq

You may pay me more than a dollar a day

But money ain't my price

Just want a little appreciation

And maybe a new cat

So where were you when my wrist looked tempting

And the second story didn't seem too far up

You were watching TV

Watching Rachel and Ross hook up and having a baby

So where were you when the girls pushed me on the locker room floor

They were the idiots you told me to ignore

Yeah, I can turn away from cuts and bruises and splinters from the stall

You will come to my play

but not to my life

and for that I want to wish you

A sincere happy mother's day