So I finally got around to writing something new. And in case you don't get the references I've had to resort to toilet humour for my inspiration. I'd like to point out that almost all of the following is fictional, and no doubt Kelly Clarkson will be really annoyed at me if she ever realises what I've done to her song, for which I apologise!

Spawny

I never knew that it could be so potent

I will not take a breath

And cause my nose such misery

I don't believe it came from me,

It's smells too bad

Friends learn the hard way

To never let me in their loo's

Because of poo

My best friend has barred me from his bathroom

Because of poo

I always carry a clothes peg so my nose don't hurt

Because of poo

I find it hard to even fart these days, just in case i follow through

Because of poo

I'm short of friends

I lose my way

As from the loo I try to find a way out

Can't help but cry

Because of all the stinging in my eyes

I almost choke

When by mistake I try to take a breath

My lungs can't possibly take

Just one more second of this punishment

Because of poo

My best friend has barred me from his bathroom

Because of poo

I always carry a clothes peg so my nose don't hurt

Because of poo

I find it hard to even fart these days, just in case i follow through

Because of poo

I'm short of friends

I almost died

Was rescued by the firemen just in time

I should have known

Better than eating kebabs laced with hot chilli

I nearly poisoned the entire house,

Left a massive stain

So now I'm here in the middle of the night

'Dumping' down a drain

Because of poo

My best friend has barred me from his bathroom

Because of poo

I always carry a clothes peg so my nose don't hurt

Because of poo

I got an ASBO now because my house stinks

Because of poo

All my friends refuse when I invite them in

Because of poo

All the houses in my street are now empty

Because of poo

I'm short of friends

Because of poo

Because of poo